1. You know when you go into a fast food place that they will add some poxy sauce to the burger that you specifically asked not to be there
That feeling when you know they are going to smother your food in something disgusting never leaves you.
2. Friends and family are constantly trying to make you eat things they know you don’t like
“You won’t take an egg?”
“No. Given you know I don’t like eggs, I think I’ll leave it.”
3. You keep an eagle eye on any knife that has been contaminated by other substances
Case in point: the deli.
They’re about to put butter on your roll and there is a dash – no matter how minuscule – of ketchup or mayo hanging on the knife. This is not acceptable.
When you ask them to wipe the knife, the guilt sets in.
4. You’re constantly mystified by how people eat certain foods
Like, how? Why? Brussels sprouts, really?
5. You know the feeling when a friend suggests going to a new restaurant where you know nothing on the menu
You need to do your research.
6. You feel like a burger with more than three toppings is an inedible skyscraper of a meal
You take pride that you can actually taste the meat and not get lockjaw in the process.
7. And you feel like it should be legislation that restaurants have to list every single thing that comes on each burger
No, ketchup is not “assumed”.
8. Beans in a full Irish is a worryingly common thing, and it seems to be getting worse
Beans in a fry, but separate to the main meal? Fine. We won’t eat them, but it doesn’t impact the rest of the breakfast.
Beans in a fry, slapped right in the middle of the rest of the food so the juice gets everywhere? Not OK.
Some people just want to watch the world burn.
9. You have to ask the person in the chipper not to put anything on your chips because you know they’ll drench them in vinegar
10. You do feel a certain sense of guilt that you are the fussiest eater
11. But then you remember that everything that you eat is delicious and not total mank
12. But every once in a while you try something new just to go along with the group
But it tastes as bad you knew it would.
13. Sometimes the kids’ menu looks kind of appealing (if they upped the portion sizes, anyway)
14. And finally… you still get that feeling when you go around to a friend’s house and their mam is making dinner and you don’t know what it is
“It could be anything. I won’t like this. I’m just going to make an audacious excuse and leave. Thanks. Bye.”
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