IF YOU ARE an avid gym-goer you’ve probably spotted the kind of people you see coming in and out of your local leisure centre.
Here are the kinds of characters you’ll ALWAYS run into. No matter how much you try not to.
1. The muscle man
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If you see a man who has shoulders as broad as The Hulk and a similarly surly attitude do not worry.
This is the muscle man and he is in the gym for one reason. To stay super muscly.
Most likely chugging a protein shake every 3 seconds and grunting needlessly for the duration of the workout, this lot are marking their territory with every weight lifted.
Bonus points if they’re wearing a muscle belt.
2. The would-be expert
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If someone who clearly doesn’t work at your gym appears to offer you “helpful advice” then just smile and try not to engage them too long.
The would-be expert will be bending you ear with magazine-learned fitness lingo.
If you are genuinely worried you’re possibly doing some kind of damage to your glutes / thighs / lower earlobe than just speak to someone whose job it actually is to tell you these things.
You wouldn’t listen to some stranger in a bar telling you weren’t drinking your pint correctly would you? Exactly.
3. The cheeky Instagrammer
If you see anyone taking a selfie/Instagramming their thighs in those giant gym mirrors, you have our full permission to eye-roll and/or tut loudly.
4. Girls who wear make-up in the gym
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It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, you can go as full-on as you want with your workout.
But why is there always that one glammed up lady trying to break a sweat with a full painted face?
First of all, you look vastly overdone and surely all that exertion will only mess up the foundation anyway?
We say, leave the makeup off and allow yourself a time off from being highly glamorous. You deserve it.
5. The socialiser
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This is the person who spends more time having long, intense chats beside the weights then doing any actual work.
Sure, the gym can be surprisingly social but there’s no point going there just to have a long chat with someone while standing around in a tracksuit.
How unglamorous.
6. The aqua aerobics fans
If you enjoy swimming as part of you varied workout program then you’ve probably run into the aqua aerobics crew.
Aqua aerobics is basically an aerobics class in the (wait for it) but it seems endlessly popular in most gyms that also have pools.
Which is all well and good but should you want to get a good Ryan Lochte-beating swim in we reckon you avoid it when they’re around.
Even with your own dedicated lane you’ll find yourself rocking back and forth by the combined action of 20 plus older ladies jumping up and down in the water.
Very disconcerting.
(And should you try it out, don’t end up like this lady.)
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7. The excessive sweater
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There’s nothing to be ashamed about if you work up a sweat exercising. But you HAVE to wipe any sweat you leave on the machine. Seriously.
The most grating gym goers are those that don’t have the consideration to a little damage control on excess sweat.
8. Inappropriate outfit wearers
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These are the people in the outfits too skimpy or ill-fitting that insist on baring flesh for all to see while working out.
This also includes people who look like they’ve come in to exercise in their day clothes.
So, people who wear their jeans while lifting weights, we see you.
See also: overly muscly guys wearing super-skimpy vests and verging on a Janet Jackson Superbowl moment. No nip slips please.
9. Leery men
There is one leery dude making (mostly) the women in the gym in the comfortable.
They’re the ones who’ll make some people feel a bit too exposed while going on the leg press.
If you know a gym leerer than please take them aside and tell them to stop.
And if you are reading this and fond of a leer, you stop that right now.
10: Steam room devotees
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The people who spend very little time exercising but intense amounts of time in the steam room, making inordinate amounts of huffing and puffing noises, as if sitting in a hot room for 20 minutes is burning calories.
11. Changing room nightmares
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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. There a few kinds of changing room nightmares. The people who really don’t seem to have any sense that they are in fact changing in a room. With other people. Also changing.
The first you’ll spot are those who insist on being naked at all times.
Look, we’re all beautiful, but there’s no need to be ambling around the changing room with your genitals flying free the whole time.
Secondly, the people who decide to dye their hair / brush their teeth / shave every inch of themselves at the shower and sinks are always noticeable.
Whatever happened to keeping certain rituals private?
Thirdly, there are the people who think that hair dryers are in fact, all-over-body dryers.
We’ve all seen someone use a hair dryer to dry every inch of their body. Yes including their bits. Shudder.
