ON THIS FATHER’S Day let’s celebrate that great institution… The Irish Dad.
The Irish father of a certain vintage can fix anything, drive anything, express the correct amount of gratitude when you get him another scarf for Christmas, all while bleeding a radiator and fixing a boiler.
Let’s pay tribute to everything he’s taught us
1. WD-40 can fix anything
ANYTHING. A squeaky hinge, a troublesome bike, a stubborn boiler. A drop of WD40 is your only man.
Flickr/Creative Commons/Sam Hames
2. The pub contains an endless supply of crisps and coke
“What’s that? You’re bored? Here’s another pound. Buy yourself some crisps and coke”.
Flickr/Creative Commons/Liam De Burca/DoobyBrain
3. There is only one correct way to drive
Every Irish da has his own specific rules for driving and woe betide you if you try to deviate from them in any way.
The Irish dad knows that the best way for you to learn is to make you drive around that field for the 16th time.
One TheJournal.ie staff member was made to reverse backwards around hay bales doing figure-of-eights, while another was turfed out of the car in the middle of the road for daring to question an Irish dad’s gear-changing techniques.
Image: Shutterstock.com
4. Swarfega is the only true way to clean your hands
If there is no Swarfega available, then white spirits will do.
via Amazon.com
5. When in doubt, ask your mother
Image: Shutterstock.com
6. It’s impossible to buy presents for an Irish man of a certain age
How many caps, scarves, slippers and pairs of novelty socks can one man own?
He has 8 more of those caps at home. Flickr/Creative Commons/Ewan and Donabel
7. It’s often too cold to snow
Irish dads have an almost preternatural knowledge of when the weather is going to turn. If he says it’s too cold to snow, then it’s too cold to snow.
He’s also a fan of reminiscing about the “big snow” of 1982.
YouTube/Daithi333
8. There is never a bad time for a lecture
Even if you might be dying, he’ll bring you down a peg or two.
(NSFW, or Father’s Day dinner)
YouTube/KatWalsh191
9. The Hunt For Red October/Das Boot/Under Siege/The Untouchables is the best film ever
If Sean Connery is in it, he’s bound to like it. Ditto Clint Eastwood, Steven Seagal, Charles Bronson, John Wayne.
Image: Wikimedia Commons
10. Maps and directions are not necessary
Irish dads of a certain vintage simply know where everything is, having spent years driving cars full of fighting children on annual holidays to Clonakilty, Curraghcloe, Lahinch and Salthill.
Flickr/Creative Commons/Greencolander
11. There is always grass to be mown
And it needs to be mown before that feckin’ rain starts.
He will also scoff furiously at one of these:
A lawnmower that you plug in? Gas. Flymo.com
12. How to bleed a radiator
13. How to bury pets or comeup with good lies about other ‘missing’ pets
God old dad will always be tasked with digging a hole for the budgie, or the dog, or the 7th kitten that year. Hiding the bodies also falls under his remit.
