WHEN YOU’RE SINGLE, it’s hard to remember the particular madness of being one half of a couple. Why do they need to text each other all the time? When did they get so soppy?
Here are ten things couples do that will be very familiar to all those who have played gooseberry over the years.
Take a preposterous amount of time to say goodbye
You’re going to see them TOMORROW. COME ON.
Sneak kisses when they think you’re not looking
You might not be looking straight at them, but you’re not deaf to the slobbering going on in the background. Slobbering!
Air their weird in-jokes in public
“Ahaha, that pug reminds me of you when you do that scrunchy face, aw!”
Do not speak of the scrunchy face ever again. Don’t do it.
Bring their other half everywhere
You’re starting to think of putting ‘No plus ones’ on the end of every text.
Discuss their planned mini-breaks/holidays
Well isn’t it well for ye?
Hand out unsolicited relationship advice
After you’ve been ‘seeing someone’ for about three weeks:
You should ask him where he sees the relationship going. Brian and I seriously discussed our future after about a month. It’s the only way.
When you’re taking someone on a date:
For our first date, I organised a picnic in the park with champagne and strawberries. But you could just take her to the pub, yeah.
And hold themselves up as a perfect relationship
“Oh, we never fight, we resolve things calmly and maturely.”
You don’t mention that you regularly hear them sniping at each other, of course.
Drop veiled hints at their happiness in the bedroom
Extremely thinly-veiled hints.
SQUIRM.
And send constant texts to their OH
How do they always have so much to say?!
