1. When you see someone waving at you and decide to wave back… only to realise that they weren’t waving at you at all.
2. When the waiter says “Enjoy your meal!” and you reply, “Thanks, you too!”
3. When an acquaintance says, “What’s the craic?” and you say, “Fine thanks.” SWALLOW ME UP, WORLD.
4. When you open your mouth to say something early in the morning like, “€2.70, please” and your voice is all hoarse/croaky/weird because it’s the first time you’ve spoken out loud all day.
5. When you’re going through airport security and you suddenly start acting like you have something illegal on your person because the whole process makes you nervous.
6. When you have to walk home clutching a big 9-pack of loo roll and inadvertently remind the word that, yes, you poo sometimes. (Of course, that’s inevitably the day you bump into someone you know/fancy.)
7. When you have to purchase Canesten in the pharmacy and you’re like, “Yes, I know how to use it. Please do not say the word ‘thrush’ or ‘yeast’ in front of my fellow customers.”
8.When you have to buy pads/tampons from a man and you get awkward about it, despite being a modern, liberated woman ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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9. When you’re walking down the street and your skirt/dress blows up around your head and you have to play it off like it’s completely grand.
10. When you’re trying to break in new shoes and you’re acutely aware that you’re walking with the grace of a giraffe on rollerskates.
11. When you have to traverse across the office with a bright green tampon wrapper peaking out of your sleeve.
12. When you have to deal with damn noisy tampon wrappers and people assume you’re eating a bag of Doritos on the toilet.
13. When you’re trying to look like a glamorous adult woman from a Shonda Rhimes show and you realise you have a massive ladder in your tights.
14. When someone compliments you on what you’re wearing… and it’s not from Penneys. #notions
15. When someone’s looking at a photo on your phone and you have to snatch it out of their hands lest they stumble upon the 1,324 selfies you took the night before.
16. When you upload a new profiler… and it doesn’t get a satisfactory number of likes.
17. Being in the hairdressers and not having a notion how much you should tip. (Of course, you spend the rest of the day worrying that you were either too stingy or far too generous.)
18. Looking at yourself in an unflattering mirror (in a changing room or at the hairdressers) and thinking, “Hang on… is that a moustache? Are those whiskers? IS THIS WHAT I LOOK LIKE?”
19. When a colleague brings their baby in for a visit and thrusts it in your arms because you’re the nearest woman… and the child starts ROARING. “I think she wants her Mammy,” you say weakly.
20. Unexpectedly scoring someone when you have Winter Legs.
