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Dublin: 11 °C Saturday 17 November, 2018

9 facts you will know to be true if you are head-over-heels obsessed with baths

We’re not ‘lying in our own filth’, thank you very much.

LIKE EVERY OTHER international holiday people tend to forget, here at we actually take them very seriously.

And with that in mind, Happy International Bath Day, people!


Yeah, seriously; we’re all for it.

As many bath devotees will attest, you will regularly find yourself defending the tub against those who favour the shower.

And so, it seems you either get the whole bath thing or you don’t.


If you’d happily spend an hour or more submerged beneath the water with just your nostrils flaring above the surface, you’ll know all about the following…

1. You could describe your fantasy bath at the drop of a hat.

Taps in the centre, rolled top, claw feet and positioned beneath a skylight.

No one gives a shit, but that hasn’t stopped you describing it… and maybe creating a Pinterest board around it. You know, just maybe.

2. You think a post-festival bath trumps a post-festival shower.

People spend the weekend banging on about the shower they’re going to take before they’ve even unpacked the car, but you know sinking into a bath is far superior.

Let’s face it; most of us return home from a festival like those returning home from war. Now is not the time to stand up and frantically exfoliate. Now is the time to lie back and watch your beer-bloated belly bob to the top.

3. You take exception to people who suggest a bath is just ‘lying in your own filth’.

Seriously, how dirty do they think you are?

OK fair enough, post-festival they may have a point.

4. You have lost countless books to the pastime.

You know better than to bring your phone into the tub with you after you’ve accidentally sacrificed countless books to the suds.

Novels that were only on the slim side now resemble War and Peace such is their waterlogged condition.

5. That’s not to say your phone stays outside the bathroom entirely.

Savvy bathers know the joy of setting up their phone on the cistern of the toilet and catching up on the latest Netflix installment.

And yes, you have been forced to haul yourself in and out of the water a few times during a soak when the damn thing starts buffering, but bigger picture here, people.

6. Not all baths are made equal.

A bath that seems reasonably inviting upon the initial toe-dip can actually leave you vaguely shivering once fully submerged.

And when there’s not enough hot water to regulate the temperature, you’re kind of, well, stranded.

Devoted bathers will know that it’s harder to pull yourself out of a lukewarm tub than any other. Don’t ask me why; it’s just science.

7. You know the importance of the ‘bath warning.’

If you know your stuff, you’ll know that a five-minute bath warning is vital to avoid a spike in stress levels once fully submerged.

Like some kind of town crier, you’re forced to visit every room in your home to ensure people know some prolonged bathing is about to take place, and they must speak now… or whizz outside for the next 60 minutes.

hell to the no bath

8. All bath people are not made equal.

You think you’ve found a kindred spirit when someone expresses their own borderline obsessive love for the tub, but it’s only when you get down to the nitty-gritty, do you realise that you guys definitely don’t agree on bathing protocol. And probably never will.

To leave the window open or not? To fill the tub with hot or cold first? To eat or not to sleep? Eh, closed window, hot water and no eating.

Tread carefully; some people think they’re true devotees, but unless they follow your approach, they’re nothing but mavericks.

9. You have gotten into the bath simply to ‘warm up’.

There have been times when flicking on the heating or throwing on an extra top just haven’t cut it, and that’s because you’re cold in your bones.

In this instance, there is literally nothing for it, but to strip off and dive arse-first into some almost-boiling water.  It feels great for about five minutes, and then you start hallucinating.

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