IT IS THE SIXTH day of January, and absolutely everyone is sick.
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Are you sick? No? Not yet you’re not. But the January sickness will come for you. And you’ll think all of these thoughts.
1. “Is that a tickly throat I feel? Great, an excuse to live in my PJs for another few days!”
Because nothing seems worse at this early stage than to have to go back to work. No, you’ll remain cosy and tucked in blankets as everyone else does that, thanks.
2. “Day Three of tickly throat. I have cabin fever. This is not what I wanted at all.”
Except you’re not cosy. You’re achey and stuffed up and everything is awful, and work is starting to look like Funderland.
3. “Well, at least I’ve got the New Year diet started?”
That’s because your throat is too sore to swallow anything but Petit Filous.
4. “F**k you Lemsip, and the horse you rode in on.”
Why does it have to taste so rotten? It’s like they’re punishing you for being sick.
5. “Will I die if I have a cough drop after I’ve taken some Benylin?”
*ferociously Googles*
6. “I had no idea this much snot could come out of a human person.”
You have used a small forest’s worth of tissues and your nose still will not. Stop. Running.
7. “Wonder would the doctor accept hugs as payment?”
Hi, Illness, could you hold off on getting worse until it’s pay day? Cheers.
8. ”I WANT MY MAM.”
Everyone else is too concerned about their own sniffles to care about yours. Boo!
9. “If Steve from Accounts tells me to ‘try echinacea’ one more time, I might do a murder.”
It was a mistake to venture in to work. This confirms it.
10. “I am the loud, annoying sniffer in the office AND I DON’T CARE.”
Own your sniffs.
