1. Finding a perfect gift in early November, saying “Pfft! It’ll still be there in December”, and never seeing it again
2. “Ah there’s no need for Kris Kindle. Sure isn’t it nicer for all 2,600 members of the family to swap gifts?”
3. Thinking “I’ll just get in early”. It’s never early enough. Never
4. Setting yourself a time limit like, “I will get it ALL done in two hours!” LOL, good one
5. Bringing the car
6. Bringing the kids
7. Deciding to ‘chance heading in’ at 2.30pm on a Saturday, like you’re not dancing with death
8. Wearing a hat/coat/scarf/woolly jumper because it’s cold, then promptly drowning in sweat
9. Going into a Penneys at any time after noon from the 10th of December onwards
10. Telling your shopping partner that you’re “just going to the homewares department for a second”. TAKE THEM WITH YOU. YOU’LL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
11. Riskily ordering a raft of things off Amazon the week before Christmas then panicking every day they do not arrive
12. Receiving your Amazon order and wondering why exactly you bought the things you did, and for whom
13. Impulse buying gag gifts because “someone will get a kick out of it”. Who. Who?!
14. Actually considering slippers for your dad, because what does he actually like? Who is this man I call my father?
15. Spending ridiculous money on a fancy scented candle for your mam, despite proclaiming you would never do that just three weeks earlier
16. Realising you never actually considered how to get all this stuff home
17. Giving up and going home with about a dozen gifts for no one in particular, knowing you’ll have to do it all over again very soon
18. Forgetting the f**king wrapping paper
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