Dublin: 16 °C Monday 20 September, 2021

11 surefire ways to confuse tourists this weekend

C’mere to me.

THIS WEEKEND WE’LL welcome many, many visitors to our fair shores.

How will they cope with our very particular turn of phrase?..


yoke Source: Catherine Kolodziej/Flickr

Of course, you could be sound and say “do you see that street on the map there”, but where would be the fun in that?


cliffs Source: ZTW1/Flickr

This can really bamboozle them.

“Are you well” can have so many meanings, from “have you lost your mind” to “of COURSE”.


map Source: PhelanRiessen/Flickr

All you’re doing is explaining that she’s a good laugh, but they’ll back away from you, wide-eyed with fear, clutching at their bum bags.


temple Source: BudgetPlaces.com

They won’t know if they’re coming or going. Literally.


lep Source: Rev Stan/Flickr

“Should, should we call the authorities?”


horse Source: AllieCouture/Flickr

Say this to some tourists and they’ll turn away from the poor taxi, shaking their heads at the bad review you’ve given him. They’ll probably never even notice what a handsome divil he is.


ponies Source: Rick Payette/Flickr

They’re not even in a garden. Confusion reigns.


room Source: Canadian Pacific/Flickr

They’ll never track down that hotel iron, will they?


cow Source: Washingtonydc/Flickr

Again, they’ll go on the hunt for the authorities.


gap Source: IvanWalsh.com/Flickr

You’ll have completely lost them at this stage.


locked Source: mikelo/Flickr

How will we get out?

Read: 11 defining characteristics of an Irish stag do>

Read: Graham Linehan has a clear message for critics of new show The Walshes>

About the author:

Emer McLysaght

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