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Dublin: 7 °C Monday 30 January, 2023
# pot noodle
11 cookery commandments all students live by
Dancing with death (or food poisoning, at the very least).

1. If something is cheap, buy a lot of it

Cans of tuna for 50c? I’LL TAKE THE LOT.

2. Your food press is sacred…

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3. …But your parents’ food presses are fair game

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A tin of beans here, a pack of queen cakes there… They’ll hardly miss them.

4. Carbs + carbs + carbs = A Good Dinner

You may not be getting your five-a-day, but at least you’re not hungry, right?

5. Food stealing is a serious crime

You have a half a block of cheese, tomato sauce, and some pasta to do you until Friday. You come home, and the cheese is gone.

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This. Means. War.

6. Canteen meals for the first week of the month means Koka Noodles for the rest of it

This is you from March 1-7:

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“Give me ALL the chicken goujons, kind sir.”

This is you from March 8-31:

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“Chicken or beef flavour tonight?”

7. Drowning anything in sauce automatically makes it edible

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Which is why you always have sweet chilli/ketchup/brown sauce to hand.

8. Anything can be a plate

Just use your imagination:

9. Defrosting meat in the microwave is FINE

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It’s FINE. Ignore the screams of the haters.

10. Picking mould off bread is FINE

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Just throw it in the toaster, be grand.

11. Cereal isn’t for breakfast, it’s for life

Every student’s dream:

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Perfect for dinner, lunch, midnight snack, after a night out – with milk or dry. The ideal food.

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