Dublin: 21 °C Saturday 25 September, 2021

15 election promises Irish politicians should actually make

Listen up, aspiring TDs.

download Source: DailyEdge.ie

1. Anyone who spends more than €100 a year on “artisan pulled pork, shaved courgette and fennel sandwiches” will get some sort of tax rebate at the end of the year. (As compensation for never being able to afford a house.)

2. As will people who choose to eat in Supermac’s instead of McDonald’s. (Supporting Irish business and all that.)

3. The price of wine and cans will not be touched during the lifetime of the next government.

4. And we’ll introduce maximum pricing on prosecco. (Never more than €9.)

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5. Anyone who fails to indicate will be slapped with three penalty points on the spot.

6. As will people who drive inexplicably slowly when you are, of course, late for work.

7. Drivers who are consistently sound and let other cars out in front of them on the regular will be rewarded with a better quote on their car insurance at the end of the year.

8. The government will launch a public information campaign to explain what the hell “stages” are on Dublin Bus.

9. Separate lanes for fast walkers and slow walkers will be introduced, and ever again will you caught shuffling behind 143 Spanish students *praise hands emoji*

10. Eating smelly hard boiled eggs/egg sandwiches on public transport will be prohibited once and for all.

11. The Harry Potter Amendment will ensure once and for all that hall closets in Rathmines can’t be described as “Luxury Room in the City Centre – Ideal For a Young Professional!”

12. In fact, the phrase “young professional” will be banned from rental ads altogether.

download (1) Source: Flickr

13. Crun-chos, Fat Frogs, Dream Bars, Roy of the Rovers, Woppas and all the other discontinued sweets from our childhood will be resurrected from the dead with immediate effect.

14.The price of Freddos will be SLASHED and we will stop this 33c madness, once and for all.

15. Representatives from Cadbury’s will be brought for questioning before an Oireachtas committee over why the tins of Roses are so goddamn small these days.

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About the author:

Amy O'Connor

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