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Every dish Antoni has taught people to cook on Queer Eye ranked from least to most appealing

Picky eaters, turn back now.

21. S2 E2: Roast cauliflower 

This was brought to a picnic, to be eaten later, COLD. No thanks. It was served with a ‘green goddess’ dipping sauce. Cauliflower is great and all that, but it’s not something you’d be dying to bring on a picnic.

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20. S1 E1: Guacamole 

Ah, the very first episode of Queer Eye. The Fab Five visited Tom in Georgia, and rebuilt his absolutely tiny living space into a much nicer home for him. Antoni decided that in a tiny, minimalist kitchen, belonging to a man who does not do very much cooking for himself, the most important kitchen utensil this man could have was a pestle and mortar. I love cooking and don’t even have a pestle and mortar.

This episode was basically how Antoni got his reputation for being a very mediocre cook. Guac is nice, but it’s definitely not the most delicious thing Antoni has ever whipped up, because he spent the next two seasons proving that he actually does know how to cook. 

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19. S1 E3: Grapefruit and avocado 

Somehow, this one required even less effort than the guacamole, but it does seem slightly more appealing. 

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18. S2 E10: Peach, almond, basil and parmesan salad

Basically the same as above, just a piece of fruit sliced up and used as a canapé. Nobody eats canapés at home.

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17. S1 E8: Hotdogs with crisps on them

If you weren’t like, “Antoni… What the hell?” after he made the grapefruit and avocado slices on a plate, you certainly were after he conceived these hotdogs.

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16. S1 E8: Hotdogs with honey mustard and pickled carrots

In fairness, these ones do sound a bit more exciting than the crisp hotdogs.

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15. S3 E8: Shortbread cookies 

This is true neutral.

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14. S2 E4: Peanut masala

Basically, some cooked peanuts in a cold salad with cucumber, coriander, onions and some other bits. An interesting idea for a light little snack. 

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13. S2 E9: A French omelette 

Pretty plain but you can’t really go wrong with an omelette.

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12. S3 E5: Ramen

This seemed pretty good, but definitely wouldn’t be the first thing we’d ask Antoni to cook us if he was our personal chef. 

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11. S1 E5: Pork tenderloin on a baguette

Yeah, I’d eat it if I was given it off a tray at a fancy event or something, but would I ever go out of my way to make this myself? No. I also wouldn’t ask Antoni to make it for me if he was my personal chef either.

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10. S2 E5: Poké

This looked nice, but it also looked like an effort to make. These are not ingredients we all have lying around at home, so that significantly reduces the appeal of this dish, because laziness wins every time. 

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9. S1 E2: A grilled cheese and Iberico ham sandwich

In this episode, Antoni taught a man how to make a fancy ham and cheese toastie. Nothing wrong with a ham and cheese toastie though. 

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8. S1 E4: Arepas con queso fundido on grilled vegetables 

If you haven’t been able to tell by now, the camera crew in season one really did not prioritise getting good shots of the food Antoni was cooking. Anyway, you can’t go wrong with a veggie arepas. If you don’t have a friend from South America who goes on about arepas non-stop, so you’re unfamiliar with them, here’s what they look like. Pretty appealing, alright.

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7. S2 E3: Fresh pasta

Pretty basic, but also so much better than dried pasta. I think this was supposed to be served with olive oil, heirloom tomatoes, basil and oregano. Who knows, though? Because the guy who was taught how to make this just used dry spaghetti anyway, much to Antoni’s distress. 

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6. S3 E4: Larb 

This is a dish from Laos, which is served in a lettuce wrap. Looked pretty tasty and also very light.

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5. S3 E7: Steak and fried Brussels sprouts 

Antoni taught Thomas how to fry Brussels sprouts in the hopes of making this young man realise that they don’t always have to smell or taste like farts. 

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4. S3 E6: Squash casserole and mahi-mahi fish sticks

The squash casserole here, topped with parmesan and baked in the oven, is enough to carry this episode’s meal here.

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But the fish sticks don’t seem too bad either.

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3. S2 E8: Tadig

This is a very, very tasty savoury Persian rice dish (which you can get at Zaytoon, of all places, if you fancy trying it). If you are a fan of Netflix cooking shows, you’ll remember it from Salt Fat Heat Acid, where it looked like it took a lot more effort to cook than it does in Antoni’s tutorial. 

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2. S1 E6: Macaroni and cheese w/ green beans on the side

You can’t go wrong with macaroni and cheese, but this is from the episode where Antoni went and asked yer man’s ma for her mac and cheese recipe. At this stage, it hadn’t been established whether or not Antoni even knew how to cook, so plenty of viewers at home thought he was just winging it and asking the mother for a recipe because he did not have any of his own to share with the young man he was teaching. It also seemed like a bit of a cop out – this chap could have just asked his mam to show him to make mac and cheese any other day of the week. It still looks tasty though.

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1. S3 E2: BBQ Porchetta on Hawaiian rolls with slaw and cherry mustard 

Obviously this folds over to make a tiny burger. Who doesn’t love a tiny burger? Extremely appealing. We had no idea this was going to end up in first place, but here we are, and we’re not sorry for this decision either. 

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Kelly Earley

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