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Here are 12 of the grimmest properties on the Dublin rental market this January

It’s 2019!

1. On the South Circular Road, you could get this kitchen with a bed in it for €645 per month.

To get an idea of the size of this studio apartment, look at the radiator there on the right. 

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There it is on the left. 

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Not much bigger than Bender from Futurama’s apartment, tbh.


2. To compete with that, this Stoneybatter studio apartment is €680 per month.

If you have ever been in one of these little houses in Stoneybatter, you’ll know that things are, at best, a bit tight. That’s before they’re divided up into little separate flats. Here’s the view from the hall – the kitchen is to the right, the bed is on the left, and the bathroom is through that door. 

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The room is so small that this is the best photo of the bed they can take for an advertisement.

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In the bathroom, the sink is behind your shoulder when you’re sitting on the toilet. This kind of looks like a hairdresser’s setup for someone with a weak bladder.

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3. Alternatively, you could move away from the City Centre, into Finglas where this fancy corridor is going for €740 per month.

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Over in the kitchen, there’s a little counter top with all of the essentials, a microwave, a mini fridge, and a counter-top hob. Who needs an oven or a sink? 

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Well, the upside of living in such a tiny space is that a car air freshener will do the job on it. No need to buy an air freshener designed for an actual house. 

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4. For €850 per month, you could live in this Dublin 4 studio apartment. 

Ah yes, by the arm of the sofa. That’s where all normal people leave their microwaves. 

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It makes sense because there certainly isn’t any room for a microwave in the kitchen, anyway.

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5. For €936 per month in Phibsborough, you could live here.

What was once somebody’s comfy living room with a big roaring fireplace, is now someone’s entire home, with a vent under the mantelpiece. What may have been someone’s phone table a couple of decades ago, is now supposed to be someone’s desk, dining table and worktop. Let’s hope that big old window doesn’t let a draft in, or the tenant will be sick as well as miserable. 

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6. For €1,000 per month, you can get a studio with a smashed window in Fairview. 

We might not have even noticed it, if it wasn’t for the big black bag sellotaped over it in the photos. 

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Not sure what’s in that bag blocking the bathroom door, either. 

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7. For €1,000 a month, you could have this apartment in Bluebell.

It’s decorated like every holiday home on every BBC daytime TV show about a couple trying to find a retirement home abroad. From the kitchen tiles and cabinets:

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To the TV in the dining room:

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8. Here’s what you can get for €1,115 per month in Donnybrook.

You know things are really bad when you look at this and think, “Ah, at least there’s a curtain to separate the bedroom from the rest of the apartment.” 

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As this is the only photo on the advertisement, there might be a huge catch on the other side of the room. A kitchen can be make or break. But let’s be real, this isn’t exactly a bargain. 

9. This apartment in Tallaght is going for €1,200.

It’s hard to tell if those rugs deliberately have an ombre thing going on, or if the previous tenant just had a piece of furniture sitting in the middle of them for a few years. 

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Let’s not ignore the fact that the window also appears to be painted onto the wall, like the one that TV3 have on the set of Ireland:AM. 

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The mats in the bathroom corroborate the theory that the rugs are in fact dirty, and not deliberately designed to fade from light to dark. 

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10. Alternatively, you could get a set of bunkbeds in a kitchen for €1,245 on the North Circular Road. 

For that price, you’d at least expect some kind of cool bunkbeds. But nope, just a regular old set of €135 bunkbeds from IKEA. 

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The sofa also seems like an unnecessary waste of space since it doesn’t even look like it can seat two people at the same time, and it’s not facing anything special, unless you’re in the humour to observe your washing machine for an extended period of time. 

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 11. For €895 in Rathgar, we’ve got one of the worst rentals of 2018 redecorated! 

If you want to see what this property looked like last year, before this little revamp check it out here (it’s number 6 on the list). When this one came up, I knew it was familiar. What has changed? Well, they took the children’s bed out and replaced it with a double bed. They also added four dining chairs (all of which are mismatched), as if someone who lived here would ever have four friends over. And there’s also a new Audrey Hepburn canvass on the wall. 

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Imagine how Audrey Hepburn’s character in Breakfast at Tiffany’s would feel if she walked into this room. 

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If it didn’t look like all of the new furniture at been found at the side of the street, you’d almost commend them for trying to do this place up and reducing the price a little bit. However, it’s still pretty grim for the price. It’s really not that hard to go to IKEA. 

12. €1,410 can get you this two bedroom apartment in Clontarf. 

Unfortunately, it looks fairly haunted.

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There’s really no guarantee that this property doesn’t come with a family of ghosts.

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It even comes complete with a séance room.

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