THE MEN OF Ireland sometimes fail to realise just how important their choice of shoe is to a girl. It’s one of the first things they judge you on.
Make sure you give the right impression as you’re harshly judged on your footwear. It’s what they’re seeing, and what they’re thinking.
1. Brown leather ‘good’ shoes
Mam bought them for his discos when he was a young lad, to get him out of the runners. Now they’re all he knows.
This guy can’t make his own choices and is probably still wearing faded t-shirts from his teenage years. He plays on his local GAA team so is far too manly for that fashion crap.
2. Dirty runners
He has probably given up in the style stakes, has unkempt hair he never washes, and spends all his money on smokes and XBox live. A catch, on opposites day.
3. A ‘good’ runner
Think custom Reeboks or Nike Airforce, basically whatever they picked out during the lads’ exodus in Foyler’s Polo out to the ‘big’ JD Sports. They take massive pride in their appearance but like to be comfy, so probably have a good tracksuit to go with them.
Will probably spend more time in the mirror than you too.
4. Shiny black shoes
Responsible. Too responsible. In other words… minus craic, avoid. If worn with jeans, you’re not doing well enough just avoiding. Move country.
5. Casual runners
Vans or Converse fall into this category. He probably skated as a kid and hung around the central bank as a young’n. But now they’re just putting off getting a real job and definitely played bass for some indie band in the Roisin Dubh at some stage. Good fun though.
6. Brogues
Dependable and smart. He has a good job, reads the physical newspaper and definitely owns a lovely white dog.
He smells nice too, like an evergreen forest after rainfall. Sigh.
7. Espadrilles, moccasins
Has a ghastly aversion to socks and his mammy constantly asks him if he has found a nice lady yet. No, mam, he’s too busy swanning around Topman with the pale-ankle brigade (the ladsladslads).
8. Canvas plimsolls
Bought from Dunnes or Penneys for a fiver, bargain. Will be the first to dive into the Liffey on a hot day and always has the ‘fashion haircut’.
9. Crocs
He’s a lost American tourist. Please return him to Temple Bar and make your excuses.
10. Dubes or other boat shoe
Unless they literally own a boat, they’re the ultimate prep. They probably own a dozen Ralph Lauren shirts and speak really well. They’re good-looking, drink Heineken, are too into sports they can’t play, and are definitely someone you could take home to mammy.
11. A strong boot
Not to be confused with the ‘poser distressed boot’. This is the real deal. He works on a farm or in construction, is trusty, rural, and is on first-name terms with the barman in the local.
You can already envision how he’ll traipse into your clean hall in them when you move in together. But at least he’ll have milk.
12. Pointy boots
Will definitely dance with you uninvited if he’s single. If not, he’s almost certainly someone’s embarrassing dad and looks permanently doused in grease.
