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Dublin: 8 °C Saturday 29 February, 2020

13 things that make Irish men utterly irresistible

No bias here.

imageRIGHT: An Irish manSource: Associated Press

THIS MORNING BROUGHT the disappointing news that Irish men have been ranked the ugliest in the world by an international dating site.

We, however, know better. Irish men are paragons of decency and generally being good honest lads. And here’s how we know.

1. The sense of humour

Exhibit A: Irish lad in the UK

Source: The Graham Norton Show/YouTube

Exhibit B: suspected to be the work of an Irish lad

Source: Imgur

Exhibit C: confirmed as Irish lad’s creation

2. And more importantly, the ability to take a slagging

Source: Tumblr

The mark of a true gent.

3. The fact that a true Irish man will never, ever let his mates down

Source: Zarkava86/YouTube

Even when they do terrible things. “Yeah, I know, but… he’s a mate.”

4. The accent, internationally recognised as a sex magnet

Source: meadowsirl/YouTube

OK, with a few exceptions. But really, Irish lads’ accents are kind of amazing.

5. The perfect porcelain skin

Source: sivart13

Like a china doll. Like ivory. So fine.

6. The lack of cop-on when it comes to Woman Stuff that’s so total, it’s endearing. Almost.

Like when Irish men were called upon to explain tampons and other sanitary products:

Source: Facts./YouTube

7. The winning lack of fashion sense

Source: Tumblr

It’s actually kind of an aesthetic at this stage. Five years time and Vogue will be leading with bootcut jeans and fabric belts from Jack & Jones.

In many (although far from all) cases this is combined with an extreme fussiness about clothes. “I FECKIN TOLD YOU I DON’T WEAR V-NECKS.”

8. The all-over body hair, the perfect evolutionary adaptation to years of sh**ty weather

Source: Son of Groucho

9. Which turns magically to ginger when it hits the beard

Source: timparkinson

Always. It is one of life’s mysteries.

10. The abiding love of milk

Especially at times when, in any other country, it would seem totally inappropriate.

Source: Imgur

11. The refusal, even in the face of overwhelming evidence, to ever admit defeat

“Should we… stop and ask directions?” “WE’RE NOT LOST BLATHNAID”.

12. The fact that underneath all this lies a nation of massive softies

How many Irish men did not shed a sneaky tear for Ian Madigan? And how different is this to crying at the end of Titanic? (Literally not at all.)

13. And the greatest love of all… between an Irish lad and his mam

Irish Mammies are the subject of books. They have their own memes. They have official merchandise for feck’s sake.

So you have to ask yourself… who’s keeping the mammy-industrial complex alive? Irish men, of course. What would life be without the roast to go home to on a Sunday?

More: An Irish lad owned Graham Norton’s Red Chair with this hilarious sex story>

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About the author:

Michael Freeman

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