Dublin: -2 °C Sunday 5 February, 2023
# irish on tour
How to tell if you are an Irish person on holiday
From bringing your own tea bags to clapping when the plane lands.

IT MAY BE freezing, but holiday season is beginning.

Penneys is decked out in bikinis, and soon the airport will be full to the brim as people head off on their holidays.

As a people, we get very excited about going away, which is understandable given the weather at home.  Perhaps as a result of that excitement, we have some very distinctive holiday behaviour.

If you exhibit six or more of these distinctive behaviours, then you’re definitely an Irish person on holiday.

Get burned on the first day but reassure everyone that it will turn to brown


Make ‘best mates’, swear blind you’ll keep in touch and then cross the road to avoid them when you get home because you’re mortified at your holiday carry on

Flickr/Mike Miley

Bring your own tea bags


Complain about the quality of the milk and comment on how good it is at home


Wear your county colours around the place in a way you never would at home

Hang an Irish flag from your balcony

What’s the point of the view otherwise?


Clap when the plane lands

Adopt the scruffy village dog


Obsessively check the weather even though there is not a cloud in the sky

Get a hair wrap or corn rows to look like you’re not a tourist, then obviously looking like a tourist


Make a beeline for the nearest Irish bar and find someone you know in common with the landlord

Optional extra: assess its “authenticity” in disappointed and/or appreciative tones.

Walk two hours to see a rock sticking out of the ground even though you wouldn’t cross the road to see a museum/gallery/monument at home


Arrive down to the pool ashen faced at midday and give all the healthy looking continentals filthies for taking up the sunloungers


Complain about the lack of Guinness or the quality of the available Guinness

Flickr/Blootered Cerebrations

Forcing your compatriots to examine your tan lines several times a day

All the while examining theirs competitively and feeling miserable if you’re ‘not brown enough’.


Arrive at your destination with an ill thought out fake tan

YouTube/ Way Too Tan

Your suitcase is filled with every Summer item Penneys is selling


You have to be told several times to stop singing in at least two establishments per week


So how did you do?

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