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The DOs and DON'Ts of taking public transport

This is how to behave. Take note, everyone.

DO YOU TAKE public transport?

If you do, you’ll know that there are some pretty basic rules involved. Pay the correct fare, treat everyone on board with respect, no smoking – that kind of thing. But there SHOULD be some different rules.

These are the rules that really matter. The rules we’d dearly love to enforce.

1. Don’t eat something smelly

Do not eat curry chips on the bus. You’d think this wouldn’t need stating, but it does. People do eat curry chips on the bus. That is literally the world we are living in.

2. Please plug in your headphones

People who blast their tunes directly into the air – the PUBLIC air – off their phones should be ejected off the bus. Preferably into a ditch.

Flickr / Francisco Osorio Flickr / Francisco Osorio / Francisco Osorio

3. No kissing, thanks

What exactly turns people on so much about public transport? Does the DART release pheromones? Up beside the sign saying “No Smoking” should be an equally important “No Kissing” sign.

Take that throat sandwich on down the road.

Flickr Flickr

4. If there are plenty of seats, don’t sit beside a lone person

Don’t be that guy. No body likes that guy.

5. Text if you can

No one wants to hear a shouted phone conversation about the fact that someone is picking up bin tags on their way home. Send a text for feck’s sake.

6. Remember that Ireland is tiny

So – if you insist on having that loud conversation over the phone – just remember that anyone sitting near you on that train or bus could be related to the person you’re yapping about. Constant vigilance. The walls (of buses, trams, trains and planes) have ears.

Flickr / informatique Flickr / informatique / informatique

7. Ask before you open

Remember that buses are the epitome of shared personal space. Be considerate and don’t just lash open a window simply because you can. (On a side note, can we talk about how gross the bus window condensation is? OMG.)

8. Try not to nod off on someone’s shoulder

This is a forgiveable transgression, though. We’ve all been that soldier. Maybe wake them up before the terminus though.

Daily Dawdle Daily Dawdle

9. Respect your elders

Try to stay alert and not have your beak stuck in your phone the whole time if you’re sitting in one of the reserved seats – there might be a person in need standing. Golden rule: be sound.

Wikimedia Commons Wikimedia Commons

10. Don’t sit where you’ll need to shout

If you get on with a group, please have a care and do not sit across the aisle from each other, necessitating shouting. Just no. Thanks.

Imgur Imgur

11. And finally…

THANK THE BUS DRIVER! It’s practically the LAW.

Or, alternatively, just stare ‘em into submission.

Share this if you’d like more people to know the real rules of public transport. And, ah g’wan sure, share your bus/Luas/train horror stories in the comments.

Read: Here’s a dog in a pram on the Luas>

Read: Your 13 favourite people on public transport>

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