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A definitive ranking of Irish slang words for penis

From worst to best.

IRISH SLANG SHOULD always be cherished for the original and bizarre creations it often presents.

And there is no finer example than the array of words it has for the male member. So, from worst to best, we have:

9. Wire

200 pair telephone cable model of corpus callosum brewbooks brewbooks

You won’t be turning any heads by using it, but the oft used phrase “pulling the wire off yourself” means this lovable term deserves some recognition.

8. Shillelagh

UC2970k Knifecenter Knifecenter

The shillelagh is an old wooden walking stick that also substitutes nicely as a decent penis reference. Whilst not exactly well known, shillelagh deserves kudos for its old timey feel, transporting you back to a bygone age of penis references.

7. Schlong

longford HelpMyHouse HelpMyHouse

This is most associated with Ireland through its fictional county Schlongford. This is a solid, if unspectacular, choice.

6. Willy

Disobedient whale Loozrboy Loozrboy

You won’t win any prizes for originality – but it’s a solid slang term that will never let you down.

5. Mickey


The best thing about the classic ‘Mickey’ is the often hilarious accidental double entendres associated with the famous Disney character.

4. Wavin

wavin-socketed-sewer buildwithme buildwithme

An Irish-branded twist on the classic ‘pipe’.

Construction terms have never been so universally known.

3. Langer

Civil war Cannon in Hillside Cemetery jajacks62 jajacks62

Perhaps ‘langer’ is best known for its Cork usage to mean a bit of an eejit - but it’s still recognised nationwide as a perfectly acceptable word for penis.

2. Flute

flute player snapclusion snapclusion

So close to getting the top spot. ‘Flute’ adds a musicality to the otherwise boring and dull penis substitute words. It really paints a picture.

1. Lad

Giphy Giphy

Easily the best option.

Not only is it succinct, it’s also universally known when used in the right context.

What is your favourite slang word for the humble lad? Which word do you think didn’t get the love it deserves? Let us know in the comments.

More 10 Irish slang words that need to be added to the dictionary right now>

More Which Old Irish Slang Word Should You Use Every Day?>

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