WELL, ARE WE all okay after last night’s episode?
Have we all taken a dose of ulcer medication and had a few Hob Nobs to comfort ourselves?
This week a load of the cast gathered together to watch episode four of season five of Love/Hate, and now we know why: It was one of the most intense and brilliant hours of the show yet.
Here’s how it went down:
Nidge and Deano
The episode opened with Fran’s once-trusty sidekick Deano looking bloody and battered next to Nidge, who has threatened Deano to get him on side in his mission to end Fran.
Deano has told Nidge about Fran digging up Noely Hughes’ ma’s grave and pissing on it. Noely Hughes is a dangerous maniac who’s in prison with Fran. You can see where this is going.
“I’ll buy yeh a drink”, Nidge promises Deano. Sound of him.
We see Patrick Ward and his family at the gravesite of a two-year-old child – Patrick’s son.
This man has seen pain. This man will kill you with his fists if you show him any more pain. You have been warned.
Siobhán visits Tommy in hospital, and Aido visits his brother Pottsie (who lost his eye in a row with Fran last week. Serves him right for getting into a row with Fran to be fair. Fran’s a lunatic).
Last week Nidge promised to pay for the eye. No word yet on whether any cash has changed hands. How much does an eye go for these days anyway?
“Yeh durty bitch Nadine”
Aido’s missus Nadine is still doing the beast with two backs with Aido’s sidekick Scotty.
We’re wondering if anyone on Love/Hate is ever going to graduate to a smartphone:
Cue awkward sex scene that your mam definitely walked in on:
Nidge find out about Nadine and Scotty and seizing any opportunity to be a troublemaker decides to ask Aido if he can use Scotty as a driver for the next run of drugs from Terrence Bigballs.
Or as Nidge calls him:
Elmo and the gnomes
Meanwhile Elmo the gnome wrangler has successfully managed to sell the majority of the drugs shipment and has done a damn fine job of the whole thing, truth be told.
Tommy opens his eyes. He’s alive! Fizzy orange for everyone!
Nidge is at home with Trish and the boys, engaging in some domestic bliss.
He’s checking Warren’s homework and Trish is giving out about filthy lunchboxes*.
Nidge is also impressed with Warren’s artistic ability.
We wonder if he signed the homework journal ‘Nigel’ or ‘Nidge’.
(Warren definitely gets Billy Roll for his lunch, doesn’t he? The lucky get)
Next up comes one of the most perplexing things ever seen on Irish telly.
“What’s the meaning of all this?”, we gasp. “Who are these mad eejits lepping around”.
Well you see Nidge wants Aido to track down someone else to take down Patrick, so he decides to seek out born again recovering addict Packy, who owes the gang a drug debt. That’s Packy in the check shirt.
Let’s not cod ourselves, we’ve all been at house parties like that, loosing our reason to Call Me Al at 5am.
Aido meetys Packy and tells him he wants him to whack Patrick. Packy says he can’t because he’s turned over a new leaf, and he’s off the smokes and everything. Smokes are the least of your worries son.
Siobhán the rat
Meanwhile Siobhán realises she is falling for Pauley, and he for her, but she’s still feeding information to Moynihan. She overhears Elmo and Pauley talking about a rendezvous at the zoo, and passes on the info.
She tells Pauley that even though Tommy is going to be ok, she’s not going back to him. Poor aul Tommy.
Patrick and his kid Brandon are having some quality father-son time, having a heart-to-heart about moving from the caravan to a house for safety.
“Do yeh want some chips”, Patrick asks Brandon. What a redundant question. Who doesn’t want chips?
Nidge visits Noely Hughes in prison and tells him about Fran desecrating his mother’s grave. Noely is not best pleased as you can imagine.
Nidge also tells Noely to tell Fran than Nidge and Fran’s late wife Linda had engaged in some serious lámh droppage.
We think we’re about to see Fran go FULL FRAN.
Pauley goes to the zoo to conduct some business but soon cops on to the fact that he’s not alone. He smells a rat. A living breathing rat. But who could it be?
It all goes wrong
Packy approaches Patrick with a gun in his hand, ready to carry out Aido’s bidding
It goes horribly wrong as Patrick’s bulletproof vest keeps him safe, but his son is hit in the head.
He instructs his lads to string Packy up (after giving him a fair few thumps) and rushes Brandon to the hospital.
When Nidge hears about this he realises his own family is fair game, and flees his house with Trish and the kids, leaving the giraffes on the fridge.
When push comes to shove
Over at Siobhán’s she and Pauley are off their heads, professing their love for each other.
They decide to do their favourite thing… go onto an elevated platform (a balcony in this instance, it was the roof of the pub last week) while under the influence.
Pauley proposes to her and she’s about to accept when she mentions the zoo. The game is up. He confronts her and she pushes him off the balcony to his death.
Meanwhile, remember Scotty? Well it turns out that he’s actually a Friends of Coppers, ie an undercover Garda. Oops.
Where is your God now Packy?
Back at the halting site, Packy awaits his fate. After begging Patrick to spare his life, Patrick wastes no time in slitting his throat.
And we fade to black.
Nidge pet, we have some sage advice for you for next week:
All images via RTÉ/RTÉ Player
Love/Hate Week 3 Recap: Elmo’s Gnomes, Aido’s Ham And Pineapple Pizza And The Eye>