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10 everyday items that have been forever ruined for listeners of My Dad Wrote A Porno

What a podcast.

my_dad_wrote_a_porno Source: Facebook/My Dad Wrote A Porno

HAVE YOU BEEN caught laughing out loud on the street thanks to My Dad Wrote A Porno yet? If not, get on it.

The extremely popular podcast is exactly what it says on the tin – Jame Morton’s dad wrote a series of erotic novels, titled Belinda Blinked, under the name Rocky Flintstone.

Each week, he reads out a chapter, with his friends James Cooper and Alice Levine providing commentary for the hilariously terrible writing.

11947592_1481798612116685_3305265464302310337_n Source: Facebook/My Dad Wrote A Porno

It is extremely funny, but listeners will attest that it ruins certain things for you. Certain things that just cannot be avoided in daily life.

1. Pomegranates

Pomegranates Source: Wikimedia

“Her t*ts hung freely, like pomegranates.” So, they’re spiky? Why are they ‘hanging’? ARGH.

2. Pots and pans

pots-and-pans Source: Publicdomainpictures

We’ll never be able to look at the entire kitchenwares industry the same way, TBH.

3. Trellises

4702bd9e18fe26ee8b9b04e82ad2edcc Source: Pinterest

Every time we see one, we will also see Belinda tied to it with parcel string and plastic handcuffs.

4. Spaghetti Bolognese

“I’m making Bolognese for dinner, is that OK?” No. It’s never OK after what was done with it in Season 2, Episode 16.

5. Rivets

metal-6862_1280 Source: Pixabay

All thanks to this line:

Her nipples hardened with her feeling and they were now as large as the three-inch rivets which had held the hull of the fateful Titanic together.

What?! *vomits*

6. Gin and tonics

Do we drink them, or do we sprinkle them on our silk blouses to draw attention to our chests, like Belinda and co?

7. Mazes

Traquair_House_Maze Source: Wikimedia

Topiary mazes, yes, but the normal puzzle kind too. We’ve seen what goes on in there and we don’t like it.

8. The song ‘The Wild Mountain Thyme’

Source: CTmania/YouTube

Yes, the “Will you go, lassie, go?” song. Ruined, by a gang of merry Irishmen that balded poor Giselle.

9. Voles

Bank_vole Source: Wikimedia

Poor Jim Sterling.

10. Lids

Bottomless_Tupperware Source: Wikimedia

This is all down to Rocky Flintstone’s continued belief in the existence of ‘vaginal lids’. We just…can’t.

MDWAP, you’re slowly ruining our lives, but we love you.

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