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Dublin: 14 °C Tuesday 20 August, 2019
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7 tips for a peaceful poo at work

We all have to do it at one time or another.

WHEN NATURE CALLS, you have no choice but to answer it.  Sometimes, this means doing a big job in the toilet during the work day.

No big deal right?  Well it seems that women in America are going to extreme lengths to avoid people knowing that they are partaking in this illicit behaviour.  An article in The Daily Beast indicates some are even walking for ten minutes to another building to hide their pooping shame!

That’s a bit much, isn’t it?

There are much simpler ways to get away with a numero dos in your office toilet with minimal impact, and today we’re here to give them to you.

Here are seven tips for a peaceful at work defecation.

1.

Be ready with the flush.  Firstly, it can disguise the sound of your deposit’s entry, secondly, it will minimise the lingering scent.

2.

Place some toilet paper into the toilet before you kick off.

The toilet paper will mute the sound of entry.

3.

A variation on number 2 (ahem), the Poop Hammock takes some practice.

Via Imgur

4.

Should you find yourself in the middle of a big job, when someone else comes into the toilet, wait til their gone to emerge.

You're not only saving yourself the embarrassment, you're saving them the embarrassment.

It's one thing to know that someone in there is lightening their load, it's an entirely different scenario if you can put a face to the sound.

5.

This is not the time to spend half an hour playing Words with Friends on the toilet.  The quicker you're in and out the better.  People won't suspect anything, and you're less likely to experience introduction.

6.

A lit match will immediately eliminate any lingering odours.  While it may arise some suspicion of 'activity' it's better than what was probably there before.

7.

If you know that it's going to be a particularly bleak toilet moment for you (you just know, don't you?), then heading out 'to the shop' or to another floor might be a good move.

A public number two is never fun, but better it be in a toilet full of strangers than your work mates, right?

So, friends, take this advice and go in peace.  Holding it in, isn't good for you, and sure your health is your wealth.

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