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11 of the saddest properties available to rent in Dublin this May

Another month, another pile of miserable properties on the market.

1. €1,150 per month will get you a bed that is disconcertingly close to an oven in Rathgar.

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Down the other end of the kitchen, we’ve got the living area, which needs to be entirely uprooted and moved out of the way every time you want to put a wash on.

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You’re probably wondering what’s up those little stairs behind the bed. It’s a very fancy bathroom which is probably bigger than the kitchen/living/bedroom, and is probably a more appropriate place for that rogue armchair.

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2. For the same price (€1,150), a little further outside of the city centre (a lot further, in fact) you can get this apartment in Dundrum.

There’s a large enough kitchen, living and dining area.

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But where do you sleep? BAM! Murphy bed.

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€1,150 a month to have to pull your bed down from the wall every single night before you get into it. Every lazy person’s worst nightmare.

3. For €640 a month, you could live in what appears to be a porch in Kilmainham.

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That’s it. That’s the entire thing. You’ve probably seen bigger dog beds. The layout of the furnishings makes it feel like a large closet, more than anything else.

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Because there’s no sink (apart from in the bathroom), a potential tenant is kindly provided with some paper cups, to save them washing cups in the bathroom all day.

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4. In Loughlinstown, we’ve got another interesting porch situation. This time, for €1,000.

You wouldn’t want to be shy living here.

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The property comes complete with an IKEA display kitchen.

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 5. €770 a month will get you something in Cabinteely that we have never seen before…

A sink with a built in hob.

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And underneath the sink? You’d expect to see a press for bleach, washing up liquid, etc. But no. They’ve only gone and installed a microwave.

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It’s like the kitchen equivalent of those sink/soap dispenser/hand-dryers that they used to have in the bathrooms at Supermac’s. (Last time I checked, there was still one in Galway, if you want to take a journey out there to see what I’m talking about).

This sink unit is the real highlight of the house, so there’s no point showing the rest of the property. However, for the sake of satisfying your curiosity, here’s a pic of the bedroom/living room.

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6. Over in Ballyfermot, this property costs €845 per month.

It’s probably not a good idea to have a hob this close to any textiles. Best case scenario, your cushions and sofa are going to reek every time you make a curry. Worst case scenario… Well you’ve seen what happens in The Sims when you put furniture beside the oven.

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Things are pretty unexciting over the other side of the kitchen.

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Liffey Valley Shopping Centre is only a 10 minutes away, Public Library which has several reading clubs.

A 10 minutes what away? Drive? Flight? Cycle? Stroll? Also nice touch adding the library reading clubs in there. There’s very little entertainment in the apartment, so you’d want to bring a few books.

7. If you’re looking for something more exciting, how about this studio in Drumcondra for €936 per month?

Unlike the Ballyfermot property that has no television or electronic entertainment, this studio apartment comes with a couch so you can watch the printer.

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Once you get tired of that, and decide to call it a day, all you have to do is turn around, wipe your feet on the doormat and then hop into bed.

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8. This €880 property on Nelson Street in Dublin 1 only features two photographs.

In the first, we get a look at the kitchen, where every single cabinet door appears to be hanging on for dear life.

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If that’s not enough to sell it to you, maybe you’d like to have a look at the second photograph. This photo not only shows the bed obstructing the doorway to the bathroom, but also shows how frighteningly close the toilet bowl is to the end of the bed.

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There are cells in Mountjoy Prison where the toilet isn’t even that close to the bed.

9. For €995 in Rathgar, you can secure a good spot for trying to get a glimpse of Santy on Christmas eve.

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When life gives you lemons, (or rather, a living room that you want to rent out as a studio apartment) you turn a fireplace into a headboard. They’ve even managed to squeeze a child’s bed into this room.

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This is the stuff of Jacqueline Wilson novels. No parent should have to pay €1,000 to sleep in their kitchen with their child.

10. For €1,125 you could get a studio apartment on Synge Street.

It comes complete with a bed that takes up the majority of the floor-space.

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And not much else. Imagine paying €13,500 a year to live in a property that looks like one of the secret rooms in the Big Brother house where people are sent on their own to do challenges.

11. For €680 in Finglas, you can get a studio apartment with a creatively deconstructed recliner couch.

Can’t fit an entire couch into a property? Just break it up into little bits. It’ll be grand.

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The kitchen comes complete with everything you would expect in a studio apartment: a cup full of cutlery (in place of an actual cutlery drawer) and a brand new hot plate, instead of a cooker.

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Have a look at all of the other sad properties we’ve spotted>


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About the author:

Kelly Earley

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