Dublin: 9 °C Thursday 27 January, 2022

Spoof Daft.ie ad perfectly sums up the Dublin housing market

“Let the games commence”

JUST BROWSING DAFT for a nice gaff. Oh, what’s this?

Five hundred a month in central Dublin? Sounds alright…

Source: daft.ie

The first blow comes with the opening of the description.

Double room to rent -which would suit a person who enjoys jumping through nonsensical hoops and red tape. The house is in an excellent location and, much like a dating profile, looks nothing like the pictures.

Those pictures?

Source: daft.ie

The description continues with uncanny accuracy:

Arranging viewings for Tuesday two weeks ago so most likely the room is already gone by the time you are reading this but the ad is still up. No males, no females, no couples, no rent allowance, no students, no animals, no smiling (in the communal areas).

This is a a quiet home so no night owls, in fact no noise after 9pm at all. Seeking professionals only, preferably Monday to Friday tenants who will spend as little time in the house as possible but still cough up the rent. Speaking of the rent, i know i ticked €500 but that is for the green recycling bin out the back. The rent for the shared double room is €750 per month with a deposit of €986 which i just pulled out of my back side.

Bills are shared equally but some tenants are more equal than others.
The room itself is cozy. By that i mean that it isn’t big enough to swing a cat which is actually ideal as there are no pets allowed.

If you are interested send me an email telling me about yourself so we can sit around and judge whether we deem you worthy. I wont actually get back to you as the room will just go to a friend in the end.

Work Reference not actually required but makes me feel important requesting one.

Let the games commence

Source: Giphy

Ah, Dublin. (~cries self silently to sleep in cold, damp garret~)

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About the author:

Michael Freeman

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