Dublin: 6 °C Tuesday 27 February, 2024
eat up

12 rituals you go through every time you order a takeaway

*chances stale prawn cracker*

IT’S THE SAME every time.

1. Telling yourself you actually don’t want a takeaway, so it’s fine

Didn’t you just buy chicken and veg and a bag of potatoes? Didn’t you?

2. Looking to others to validate your need for takeaway

B2P_IWlIQAA-rak Twitter / Cute Emergency Twitter / Cute Emergency / Cute Emergency

“I’m hungry.”
“Didn’t you buy food for dinner?”
“But I don’t want that.”
“Well let’s order something then.”
“YA GUESS I WILL.” *summons JustEat at the speed of light*

3. The standoff over what type of cuisine to get

They want pizza, you want Chinese. Only one of you can prevail.

4. Spending pointless minutes humming and hawing over the menu, even though you know precisely what you want

You wonder if the takeaway people will judge you for always getting the same thing, then order Meal Deal B with extra satay sauce anyway. You’re nothing if not loyal.

5. Remember at the last minute that you said you were saving money this month

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But you’re also very hungry. *clicks Order*

6. Leaning to look out the window every time you hear a car passing the house

Just the neighbours in their Skoda. Extremely rude behaviour, driving around the estate when someone’s waiting for a Chinese.

7. Trying not to look too eager when the delivery man eventually arrives

“Hi how are you thanks so much, no I wasn’t waiting by the door what made you think that.”

8. Making a split second decision between eating it out of the box/tubs, or going for plates like a civilised person

Sometimes cutlery and crockery just slows you down. We get it.

9. Promising yourself that you’ll leave a bit for lunch tomorrow

That’ll be nice now reheated in the microwave. Sure there’s loads of it!

10. Breaking this promise to yourself

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Sometimes your eyes are in fact smaller than your stomach.

11. Eating stale prawn crackers for ‘breakfast’

The taste of regret.

12. And resolving to delete your credit card information off any and all fast food delivery sites

“Save Card Details?” is a dirty trick and you won’t be falling for it again… until next Friday.

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