Dublin: 20 °C Monday 15 August, 2022

10 things all expert M&S shoppers know to be true

Percy Pigs = your kryptonite.

1. You know that there’s no rush quite like finding loads of yellow sticker items in the fridge… even if it means that you end up buying food that you really don’t need

Piri-piri chicken? Honey roasted parsnips? Lemon meringue? I’ll take them all, thanks.

2. You’re aware that a lot of the products can technically be classified as “notions” but you’ve learned to stop caring

Some of us just appreciate the finer things in life, okay? Don’t be hating.

3. The mere act of buying milk from the shop makes you feel like the Duchess of Cambridge

And you secretly like it.

4. You’ve learned to overlook the aggressively British items on the shelves

A pork pie in honour of the Queen’s 90th birthday? Er, know your audience.

CknCZMZW0AAvQ8r Source: Caroline Bock/Twitter

5. You’re always stunned by how *exceptionally* nice and helpful their staff are

“Yes, I would like a loyalty card, Denis. Thank you very much.”

6. You’re all too familiar with The Cloud

As anyone with a 3G-enabled phone will tell you, Marks and Spencer can be a bit of dead zone when it comes to data and Wi-Fi. Instead customers are forced to settle for internet powered by The Cloud.

*fiddles with The Cloud for ten minutes before giving up*

7. You know that it’s nearly impossible to pop in without picking up a packet of Percy Pigs

The packets are strategically placed near the cash desk to taunt you while you wait in the queue. What are you supposed to do?

8. You have been known to text people about their meal deals

Psst! Wine and shteak for half-nothing in M&S!

9. And you know that it’s the ~best~ for food samples

“Would you like to try some cheese and prosecco?”

You don’t have to ask me twice!

10. And finally… you know it’s the number one place to bring your Mam during a shopping day out

Fact: Mams love Marks & Spencer because “they have clothes for women my age” and it’s “nice for a sit down”.

All hail M&S.

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About the author:

Amy O'Connor

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