1. “Time for the bi-annual attempt to get these trotters looking presentable. I haven’t looked at them in several months so who knows what’s happening down there.”
2. “I don’t understand what all the different pedicures mean. Is ‘spa’ better than ‘deluxe’? Why is it a tenner more expensive? Help please.”
3. “Feck it I’ll go for the spa. I deserve it. Self-care.”
4. “Shite, I forgot to check if I have hairy toes. She’s going to think I’m a monster.”
5. “I wonder what kinds of awful feet this woman has seen. You could not pay me enough to touch someone else’s awful feet.”
6. “Are my feet awful? Is it just that I can’t see it myself? Who can I go to for an honest opinion on this?”
7. “Right… here we go… taking off my shoes… And she didn’t recoil. That’s enough reassurance for me.”
8. “Better be careful now choosing this colour, since it’s going to stay on until the end of time.”
9. “She’s going at my cuticles with the little pliers yoke! I mustn’t make any sudden movements. I feel like I’m dancing with death here.”
10. “I will never get used to the fact that they actually shave the dead skin off your feet. It just seems wrong.”
11. “Don’t look at the piles of dead skin. I said DON’T LOOK AT THEM.”
12. “Jaysus this is tickly. If I end up kicking her in the face this will be the last time I ever show myself in public.”
13. “Aaaand I just laughed out loud. I would be the dope to do it. Everyone else is managing to contain themselves.”
14. “How long is too long to sit and wait for the polish to dry? It’s so hard to know. I wish there were guidelines for this sort of thing.”
15. “FEEL THAT. The soles of my feet are baby fecking soft! I haven’t been free of calluses since 2006.”
16. “Terrified of putting on my flip flops. What if I smudge it? I’ll never forgive myself.”
17. “God my feet are stunning. Maybe I’ll become one of those ladies who gets a mani-pedi every month.”
18. “Lol I have no money. Crusty feet FO LIFE.”
