FRIENDS, THE TIME has come. As much as we enjoy a bit of good weather, when it arrives we can’t help but find fault in it.
Right now, for example, it is simply ‘too hot to sleep’. And that presents a variety of problems.
1. Just feeling ‘wrong’ without the covers over you
It just is.
2. Compromising by putting a leg outside the covers, but feeling profoundly unsafe
The monsters! They LOVE legs that are stuck outside the covers.
3. Wanting to open the window, but fearing the creepy crawlies might come in
What if the urban myth about people eating loads of spiders in their sleep is true?
4. Dragging out the fan, then realising it is just way too loud to be dealing with
You’re used to like, mild traffic noises lulling you to sleep. Or complete silence. Not the steady whirring of a fan, driving you absolutely bananas.
5. Long hair feels like a curse
The neck sweat.
6. Forgoing pyjamas, then rolling around in your own perspiration
“I’ll be too hot in pyjamas,” you say, not realising that the pyjamas are the only things between you and a sweat bath.
7. You get even more tired from contorting yourself to get comfortable
Starfish. No, on your side because your hair is too hot. No, on your belly with your legs out and your hand under the cool side of the pillow. NO. NOTHING IS RIGHT.
8. And let’s not even get into sharing a bed with someone
It’s a testing time for a relationship, as you simultaneously love your partner but want them to get their goddamn body heat away from you, the traitorous fiend!
We have to remember that together, we’ll get through this. Sure aren’t we due some rain? We’ll be fine.
