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19 honest thoughts we had at the Irish Trainwreck premiere

Any wine?

brian Source: Brian McEvoy/RollingNews.ie

Updated 16 August 

LAST NIGHT JUDD Apatow’s latest comedy Trainwreck took over O’Connell Street.

(Well, it shared the space taken up by the wealthy-looking backpack-carrying French and Italian students sitting on the ground eating McDonalds and examing the contents of their Carrolls bags).

The red carpet was rolled out at The Savoy as Apatow and the film’s stars Amy Schumer, Bill Hader and Vanessa Bayer showed up.

Our thoughts…

“Who ARE these people”

Who are the people who show up and lean on the barriers at film premieres? Have they planned their day around the barrier leaning? Are they serial premiere-attendees?

redcarpet

Did they ring each other and go “hey Siobhán, the red carpet starts at half six so will I meet you at Dr Quirkeys at half five? Will you bring the Irish flag? Sound”.

Or were they merely pegging it for a bus when the lure of the red carpet and selfie with ‘Jude Applesomething’ and ‘Amy Poehler?’ overcame them?

selfie2 Source: Brian McEvoy/RollingNews.ie

“Bet she’s a right hoot at music festivals”

shoulders1

There’s always one. Up on the shoulders. Swinging her pint around. Threatening to land on you.

should

“I wonder would it be creepy if I became best friends with Judd Apatow’s daughter Maude”

Apatow’s 17 year old daughter Maude appears in several of his films (along with her younger sister Irish) and has also starred in Girls and posts effortless selfies on Instagram and self-aware tweets about her consumption of social media and her embarrassing dad.

Akron!!! Source: maude_apatow

I was 17 once. I could totally relate to her and come and hang around at their hou….

“Oh, okay, sorry, I’ll move”

100% caught rapid in a reverie on the red carpet, staring at Judd Apatow and imagining myself watching National Lampoons Christmas Vacation in his home cinema, throwing my head back and LAUGHING with all my new best friends, the Apatows.

best

A burly security guard interrupted my daydream with “sorry love, you can’t loiter here”.

And thus, the dream died.

“Is Glen Hansard here? Are Glen Hansard and Amy Schumer friends? Is it the law that celebrities have to be friends with other celebrities?”

Like, what if Judd and Amy wanted to hang around with Glen but Glen thought one of them was a dose?

Or what if Judd and Amy thought Glen should cop on and take off a few of his scarves?

Would they still have to drink pints in Grogans together anyway?

Source: Storyful/YouTube

“Are you SURE we can’t ask them this?”

We wanted to ask the Trainwreck crew to give their own definitions of what they thought a selection of sexy Irish phrases meant. We even got them laminated.

de

However, The Important People With Clipboard on the red carpet said ‘NO’. Which seems unfair because Amy Schumer definitely said ’c*nt’ at least once during the Q&A and she gets her hole loads of times in the film. Seemed like she’d be well up for it.

We were intrigued to hear her take on ‘sausage up O’Connell street’. And we were ON O’CONNELL STREET. It would have been practically poetry. A sadly missed opportunity.

“That carpet is fierce clea… oh”

KEEP YOUR UNCLEAN HOOVES OFF THE CARPET! IT’S FOR THE STARS!

IMG_2968

“Imagine packing for this trip”

Amy Schumer and co have now been to approximately 524 Trainwreck press events, and she has shown up with a new outfit and hairdo to each one. We can rarely manage to remember the plug adapter and have to shell out €27 for a new one in the airport everytime.

IMG_2969

To be fair, she does appear to be traveling with something of a glam squad. #SquadGoals

Thank you @kimmykuppkakes @gitabass for making me look like a human woman every day. #last day Source: amyschumer

“BILL! BILL! BILL!”

Bill Hader ran straight past us to go to the jacks. He promised he’d come back and he didn’t. Never liked him anyway.

“Judd Apatow smells like Hacks”

Well, wouldn’t you have a sore throat after 524 press events?

juddapatow

Here’s our chat with Judd. Best mate Judd.

“No wine, no?”

At the Magic Mike XXL premiere there was wine. At Trainwreck, there wasn’t even a sniff.

Seems like a missed opportunity, given the amount of lady petrol Amy Schumer barrels though in the film, and given the fact that this is the film poster:

train

(Shoutout to the ladies in front of us who had crotched a few bottles of Prosecco though)

“How did he manage to smuggle that out of the pub?”

Judd Apatow arrived into the cinema carrying a pint.

Source: DailyEdge.ie/Vine

Okay. We see how it is.

He smuggles a pint out of the pub and he’s a “legend” and a “comic genius”. We do it and we’re “taking the piss” and “barred”.

ciara2 Source: Ciara Brennan

“OF COURSE WE’VE HEARD OF LEBRON JAMES! WE’RE NOT ANIMALS”

Basketball player LeBron James features heavily in Trainwreck.

So when Bill Hader was asked (for the 198th time) what it was like working with LeBron, he made sure to check that we’d heard of him. WE HAVE EYES AND TELLIES AND THE INTERNET, BILL! HOW WAS YOUR TRIP TO THE JACKS, BILL?

lebron

(Again, a shout out to the ladies with the prosecco, one of whom turned to the other and said confidently: “LeBron James. He’s that football player”. Close enough)

“Hope they’re going to get into their hotel beds and order films and pizzas with their remote controls”

The Dublin Trainwreck stop was the last on a very long press trip for Apatow, Schumer, Bayer and Hader.

IMG_2956

After the short Q&A before the film started they were whisked away through that mysterious special door at the front of the cinema.

We can but hope that they were off to whatever swanky hotel they were staying in to take unnecessary baths and use every single one of their towels, even the tiny face-cloths.

“What’s behind that mysterious special door at the front of the cinema anyway?”

Like, is it a special fancy corridor for film stars, or did Schumer and co have to squeeze past Savoy employees Tindering while on their breaks?

door

“Am I doing too many knowing laughs?”

Finally, it was time for the film. Without giving any spoilers Schumer’s character covers a lot of lady ground, from one night stands to the ‘walk of shame’ to tampons in the toilet to feeling a bit sick at the thought of having a baby.

juice

Many of the women in the cinema were engaging in knowing gales of laughter as poor old Amy befell another downfall of being a Real Woman.

BUT I’VE NEVER DONE ANY OF THAT STUFF, OKAY? *stifles another knowing laugh*

“Amy love, that’s not a joint, that’s a Marlboro Light”

There are several references in the film to Schumer’s character smoking weed, but anytime she’s seen to be sneaking a cheeky toke, it appears that she’s just fired up a pack of twenty instead.

365 Source: hjhipster

“OH MY GOD! That was Tilda Swinton”

Even though we knew she was in the film, we still didn’t recognise her. She’s excellent.

“Well, that was tremendous fun”

It’s not perfect. It’s not exactly the feminist Holy Grail it was hyped to be or maybe even set out to be. It’s a bit too long.

blooms

But it is very funny. And it is very sweet. And Amy Schumer is great. And we fancy Bill Hader even though he wronged us so hard. And if Amy Schumer is supposed to be ‘fat’ then God help us all.

-Additional reporting by Valerie Loftus

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About the author:

Emer McLysaght

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