FOR MANY PEOPLE, the thoughts of sleeping in a separate bed to their partner is something that fills them with dread and anxiety.
It’s easy to see why people feel that way. Typically, TV and movies use the idea of separate bedrooms to portray a loveless relationship or marriage that has run its course, but both parties remain together because of financial or familial obligations. When you hear of a married couple parting ways each evening, going to bed at separate times, you assume that their sex life is over and they have no interest in one another anymore.
When I was younger, I worked in a supermarket and was often paired with a woman in her fifties who’d regularly fill me in on all the goss going on at home. She’d often vent to me about her husband and kids, or ask for insight into what her teenagers were most likely up to when they went out on the weekends.
One day, she proudly told me that the extension on her house was finished and she’d finally have her own bedroom. She was delighted that she’d finally be able to watch TV in bed for as long as she liked before going to sleep, while her husband was already long asleep across the house. Another woman we worked with chimed in to say how jealous she was, as her husband was an awful snorer. At this point, I thought maybe every relationship eventually gets to that stage.
But it’s not just those who are past middle-aged who sleep in separate beds, and it’s this preconception we all have that contributes to some of the shame people feel about it. Last September, a woman named Rachel Shatto wrote an article for Elite Daily, where she admitted she was ashamed of the fact that, as an insomnia sufferer, she has to sneak off to a separate bed for a satisfactory snooze sometimes.
While she was completely happy with her decision, and far more comfortable and rested as a result, she couldn’t help but fear what other people think about her relationship if she shared that information with friends and acquaintances. Sleeping in a separate bed isn’t always the huge deal we make of it. Shatto pointed that out in her article, but also noted when it should be a cause for concern (because, it obviously can be – especially when both parties aren’t happy with the decision).
The internet is awash with testimony from couples who are either incredibly enthusiastic about sleeping apart, and believe it to be the best decision they ever made, or those who saw it as a sign that the end was nigh. It really varies in every relationship.
