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put it away

A simple guide to banishing phones from the dinner table

Oh you want to Instagram your dinner? DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME BUDDY!

TAKE A LOOK at these images.

via Imgur

Are you friends or relatives guilty of this, or - be honest - are you a repeat offender?

Phones at the table has become a far too common sight in restaurants, pubs, and homes around Ireland, and it's time to take action.

We're here to help...

Phone stacking

This is probably the most effective method of keeping sweaty little paws off addictive little phones.

  • At the start of the meal/drinks all mobile phones must be stacked in the centre of the table, or placed in a pint glass.
  • The first person to reach for their phone during the meal/drinks pays the bill or buys the next two rounds, otherwise the bill is split.
  • The game ends when the bill comes (because let's face it, someone is going to need to use the calculator on their phone).

via Imgur

The Offline Glass

A Brazilian art director named Mauricio Perussi has come up with a new beer glass design which means the phones must stay on the table.

Presenting the Offline Glass:

via Buzzfeed

The Salt Lake City*

*Disclaimer: This might cost you a friendship/gain you a slap

If your dinner companion starts frantically searching for their phone to take a snap the second their meal arrives...

... you might consider performing the Salt Lake City on them.

Here's how:

As they lean back to artfully capture their Clonakilty Black Pudding with an apple sauce jus, while carefully considering their choice of filter...

via Picture of Hipsters Taking Pictures of Food

... you calmly pick up the salt shaker, and empty a liberal amount onto their meal as they snap.

If you wish you can then proclaim:

Instagram THAT.

You may then wish to run away. Far far away.

Oops wrong number

This one requires a little more time and effort, but will be worth it in the long run.

You will need:

  • an incognito phone, or access to a phone number your companion is not familiar with
  • knowledge of your companion's deepest fears or secrets

When your dinner companion leaves the table to go to the bathroom, take out your incognito phone and get to work.

You need to send them a text that will chill them to their very core. Something like:

Or maybe...

If you want to be really cruel, you can ensure that the text "helpline" is a premium rate number.

Send the text, sit back, and watch them squirm.

That'll teach them to be glued to their phone on your time.

Have you tried any of these? Are you a phone offender or an innocent bystander?

Have your say in the comments...

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