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Dublin: 12 °C Thursday 21 February, 2019
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9 reasons to avoid the pub tonight

Leaving Cert celebrants will be out in full force, friends.

Image: Photocall Ireland

TODAY MARKS THE end of a very emotional time for the nation’s 18-year-olds.

They’ve finished school, done the exams and now they have the results.  It’s only natural that they should celebrate tonight.

It’s also only natural that you should avoid your local hostelry tonight, for tonight is not about you, it’s about them.

Should you ignore this advice, here is what you are likely to find.

Rowdy young men

LEON FARRELL/PHOTOCALL IRELAND

They’re not doing anyone any harm, but do you really want to listen to twenty rounds of the Fields of Athenry?  Do you really want to watch them spill pint after pint down their fronts?  Do you really want to watch them force each other to imbibe revolting shots?

No. No you do not.

Crying

As previously mentioned, it’s an emotional time, so it’s only natural that some tears should leak out once drink is added into the mix.

There will be some that come from joy, but there will also be tears of bitter, bitter disappointment.

Snogging

Photocall Ireland

When you’re young you are so delighted to be snogging that you don’t care who sees you.

You’ll get the wear in the pub, outside the pub, in the pub toilet, in the queue for the nightclub beside the pub…you really don’t hold back.

Thus, if you are someone who does not like watching people eat face, you should avoid pub-related activities this evening.

Scantily clad young women

Photocall Ireland

You won’t be able to focus on your conversation, because all you’ll be able to think about is ‘She’ll catch her death in that…’ and ‘Has she no parents?’

These scenarios simply serve to remind you of how old you are.  Avoid.

Puking

Despite advice to the contrary, there is always one person who takes it too far on these nights of celebration, and that person almost always vomits.

Everyone’s been there, but once you reach a certain age you simply don’t want to have to deal with it anymore.

It’ll be bad enough dealing with the vomit laden paths in the morning, you don’t need to actually see it being produced.

High pitched shrieking

Excitement + young people = shrieking.

Sorry guys, but that’s the truth.

Singing

Aside from the aforementioned Fields of Athenry, there will be other singing.  Some might say, worse singing.

Here, we’re talking about the communal singing of songs that you didn’t even know existed.

Think you feel old now?  Imagine how you’ll feel when this is being roared by the whole except for you and your pitiful old companion.

YouTube/Neon Hunter

Deep and meaningful conversations

These rites of passages are fraught with deep and meaningful conversation about friendship and the future, which is all very well if it’s four in the morning and you’re a bit jarred at a house party.

It’s entirely a different story, though, if you’re in the pub at a reasonable hour attempting to enjoy a pint with a friend.

You’re old

Do you need to be reminded of how long ago it was that you were celebrating the results of your Leaving Cert?

No. No, you do not.  Stay home, for your own sake.

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