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so tired

How bad a sleeper are you? Take this quiz to find out...

OK, you don’t get much sleep. But where on the scale are you?

HOW DID YOU sleep last night? How do you usually sleep? Are you in a constant cycle of bone-aching tiredness?

Take our highly scientific quiz to find out exactly where on the scale of terrible sleeping you are:

1. You go to bed after a long day. Do you…

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A: Drop off to sleep more or less immediately your head hits the pillow, transported to a dreamless rest.

B: Spend a few minutes with your own thoughts and any niggling worries before gradually drifting away to sleepyland.

C: Painstakingly review your every personal failing for the last two decades, as well as everything you most fear in life. Do this for several hours before sleeping fitfully and dreaming about your boss chasing you with a stapler.

There is a small, repetitive noise somewhere in your home. Do you…

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A: What noise?

B: Find it disturbing. Unable to sleep, you get out of bed and track it down until you have eliminated it.

C: Find it disturbing. Unable to sleep, you get out of bed and track it down until you have eliminated it. Only to notice another noise. And another. THE WHOLE WORLD IS NOISE OH GOD.

Someone walks under your window, talking loudly. Do you…

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A: Turn over and mutter a curse before going back to sleep.

B: Jolt awake. Get up, peek through the curtains and give the unwitting culprit the passive-aggressive staring of a lifetime. Then go back to bed.

C: Jolt awake, then spend hours in deep irritation with your mind racing in a profound existential crisis about why people walk under windows talking and why humanity can’t be fundamentally more decent. Aaaand now it’s morning.

You are fractionally too hot or too cold. Do you…

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A: Mmmff wha? No I’m fine.

B: Stick it out as long as you possibly can before finally getting up and put on a jumper/sticking one leg out of the duvet.

C: Enter a spiral of desperation whereby you don’t want to get up and do anything about it because you NEED sleep, but it’s stopping you sleeping. This becomes a sort of internal game of chicken with yourself until you are so worked up and paranoid that you can’t get warm/cool no matter how many layers you put on/duvets you throw off. Continue until daybreak.

Your partner accidentally wakes you up by snoring/farting/hitting you in the face while turning over. Do you…

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A: Simply edge further away from them onto your side of the bed (if they’re not on it already).

B: Shake them awake and inform them of their misdeeds. It’s important for them to know what they’ve done, and besides they should suffer too.

C: Silently catalogue their personal weaknesses and past mistakes for several hours, before spending the next day in a mood with them while insisting that everything is fine. “I’m JUST TIRED,” you say, with a meaningful look that they don’t understand.

Then forget about it so the whole cycle can begin again.


Mostly A’s: Sleep Heaven. You are blessed with the sleep of a pure and innocent child. Restful are your nights. You probably dream about floating on fluffy clouds, and incur the sincere jealousy of anyone you share a bed with.

Mostly B’s: Sleep Purgatory. You, my friend, are in the normal human condition. You scrabble by on as much sleep as you can get, and generally manage just about OK even if the fridge doesn’t stop buzzing like that I’ll take a damn lump hammer to it.

Mostly C’s: Sleep Hell. You exist in a permanent state of bone-tiredness. You can’t remember the last time you got a solid eight hours. The flesh under your eyes is like old ladies’ shopping bags. In other words… welcome to adulthood!

What did you get? Let us know your results in the comments…

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