AT THE START of July a young man called Seán Fogarty worked up the courage to do something that nobody ever wants to do.
After relentless texts from Domino’s after what appears to have been a one night stand, he got in contact with them in order to make his feelings clear and save everyone from getting any more hurt than they’ve already been.
He said:
Look. What we had was incredible that night but I can’t see you anymore. I want you to know I love and respect you but I’m seeing someone else now. I know I said don’t worry about them but I have to be honest now. I’m seeing Apache Pizza Ballyvolane.
Ouch. He tried his best to let them down as gently as he could:
They make me feel special. But what we had was special too and I’ll cherish it always. </3 It’s not you, it’s me and my wallet.
We’ve all been there. We’ve all gone to another takeaway once in a while on the sly, but very few of us have the decency to admit it to our regular takeaway.
It’s better they find out this way. What if the delivery driver happened to pass while Apache were bringing the pizza up Seán’s garden? He did the right thing.
It took over two weeks for them to gather the strength, but eventually Domino’s responded to Seán.
I couldn’t bring myself to reach out to you again.
I had no idea you were seeing someone else…
Do they give you as many toppings as I did? Do they knead your dough as long and as lovingly as I did? Do they taste as good as I do? On second thought, forget I asked. I don’t want to know.
I don’t know why I’m crying in the club right now…
It doesn’t stop there.
Hopefully someday I will find someone who held me like you did, who enjoyed me as much as you did. Someone who loves me for who I am – a steaming hot dish.
I believe that person does exist, and they will love me more than you ever did. Best of luck with your bit on the side – and don’t be calling me at 2am when you get sick of her or when she disappoints you, because I’ll probably be busy with someone else.
This is Beyoncé’s Lemonade all over again. If her next album is called Pepperoni, now you know why.
Hopefully Seán and Domino’s can still be friends after all of this.
H/t Kelly O’Brien
