1. “Ah, it’s been five years since I became friends with Joe! How lovely. I love Joe.”
2. “Five years. Five whole years. Good god, when did I get so old?”
3. “Scroll on, or click in and face more reminders of my mortality?” *clicks in*
4. “Aww, this day last year was Carla’s wedding! What a nice day that was. This isn’t so bad!”
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5. “Nope. Wait. There’s me in 2010 with my rotten ex. I can’t believe I ever called him ‘Himself’. Let me die.”
6. “Why didn’t anybody tell me about my eyebrows? Or my stupid fringe?”
7. “There’s that awful dress again. I thought I was gorgeous. DID YOU NOT HAVE ANOTHER DRESS, WOMAN?”
8. “Wow. I really went in on the third person thing.”
9. “And why was I so obsessed with the X Factor? And Olly Murs in particular? I haven’t had one thought about Olly Murs in years, but I had SEVERAL in 2009.”
10. “Oh dear. I used to copy and paste chain statuses too, didn’t I.”
11. “OH GOD. THERE’S A MOODY SONG LYRICS STATUS. I MAKE FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE FOR DOING THAT.”
12. “What if I just…deleted everything? Became a mysterious blank slate?”
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13. ”Someone just tagged me in a memory from their own On This Day. I WILL NEVER ESCAPE.”
14. “Why is anybody friends with me? I’m a ridiculous human. I’m never checking this again.”
15. The next day: “Aw, it’s three years since I became friends with Laura! How lovely! I love Laura.” *clicks in*
