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the dildo trick

Last night's Love/Hate: Dildos, holy communion and Nidgey tears

Your essential recap in 24 easy steps.

IT WAS A dark week in the land of Love/Hate.

Fran nearly killed Tommy, Trish wore a Christmas decoration on her head for Warren’s communion, and we even saw Nidge cry.

Let’s have a look back at all the episode had to offer, starting with…

1. Nidge’s lonely drive around town

Nidge is upset about his Ma, and has a solitary drive around a rainy Dublin en route to the hospital.

nidge 1

He’s in a bad way, but it’s nice to see places you recognise on telly, isn’t it?


2.  Poor auld Tommy

Tommy’s still in prison and he’s in a really bad way, it would break your heart.

He’s thrashing around his cell and eventually they take him to hospital where a very kind nurse talks to him about his bleedin’ ear and his headaches.


Nidge really did a job on him.

3.  Phone-a-palooza

Meanwhile, Nidge is back home with Trish, sorting himself out with an alternate phone.  Let’s just hope he gives the old ones to the Jack and Jill Foundation, eh?


Trish is upset that Nidge is staying away, what with Warren’s communion coming up and all, but Nidge points out that what with his life being threatened it’s probably for the best.

trish 2

4. Elmo is a rat

Poor auld Elmo has been targeted by the local graffiti artists.


Alas, it’s not only them who think he’s a rat, Nidge has benched him and all.

5.  Fran’s tax rage

Fran’s leaving jail but he’s in a rage after spending the night there and the general inefficiency of the state.


Nidge meets him for a chat and a drink and tries to calm him down, he’s pissed off that Tommy named in when he was inside.

Nidge enjoys a bottle of beer.  Have you noticed that he always drinks bottle?  Never pints.  Wonder what that’s about?


Fran’s having none of Nidge’s newfound kindness for Tommy.

tooth fairy 2

There’s a real dental theme going on this series.  Stuart Carolan must have had a dodgy experience or something.

6.  Crowning glory

Andrew the dentist is sick and tired of his nurse’s disapproving looks every time he recommends a crown…to every single patient.

He tells her in no uncertain terms that she’s to stop having an opinion.


He really is what your mam would call ‘a nasty article’.

7.  Intimidation tactics

The new undercover garda is not impressed by having a criminal hanging around outside his house and he enters it into the Pulse system.

Here we learn two things, first, that he lives in the south Dublin suburb of Knocklyon (in a fictional estate) and second, that the criminal’s name is Philip ‘Chunk’ Rogers.


How could they possibly name a criminal Chunk?  Surely Chunk is only the adorable chubster from the Goonies?

thewalkingdead-zombie-goonies-sesamestreet The Image Hunter The Image Hunter

Anyway, real life Garda and hotshot Gav have a plan.

They take justice into their own hands and threaten to kill Chunk.


Shockin’ carry on altogether.

8.  Elmo’s freaker

Elmo (or Eric as his da calls him) is freaking out because Nidge things he’s a rat, so he goes to his auld lad for a chat.

He’s talking nonsense.

He won’t talk to me. The longer it goes on the more he thinks I’m a rat. And then I know he thinks I’m a rat because I can’t go near him because I know I’ll get done. Because he thinks I am. Then I can’t go near him because  I’ll get done. And that makes him sure I’m one.


His da says he’ll have a word with Nidge.

9.  Poor, middle class Andrew

Andrew pops into his ex in the fancy house he’s still paying for. She’s cooking, and we’re not talking beans and potato waffles.


She’s worried about money.  The kids tuition cheques haven’t cleared (poor little Sinead and… we’re going to go with Lorcan for the other one).

Andrew says everything’s fine, but we all know that’s not true.

10.  Tommy’s arse

As much as we all like Tommy’s arse (which now has its own Facebook page), it’s very unsettling to see him casually pull down his trousers and flash some girls down around Grand Canal Dock.

tommy's arse

He’s not right at all.

11.   Facebook watch

The creepy manchild is keeping an eye on Nidge’s movements via Facebook, but Lizzie is concerned that he’ll know he’s looking.

EH, COME ON LIZZIE, GET WITH THE TIMES.  The whole basis of Facebook stalking is that people can’t see you’re looking.


Anyway, the hunt for Nidge is still very much on.

12. A right cock-up

Debbie is coming back from one of her drug muling missions.

She’s very cool about things when she gets stopped for a spot check, and of course she should be!  She’s got the old dildo trick!

The customs guy is morto when he pulls a massive plastic penis out of her bad, and sends her on her way.


Anyway, the gear is taped to her legs and Aido has no problem ripping it right off, before they go off for a spin together to smoke some illegal drugs.

13.  Peace talks

Elmo’s da meets up with Nidge and his son to vouch for him.  Nidge begrudgingly accepts it, but in a terrifying speech says that if it turns out Elmo is a rat then his dad is toast.


14.  Let’s make a deal

Andrew has a proposition for Nidge.  He knows about business, see?  Stocks and bonds, see?  He’s an MBA, see?  He’s the f***in’ best, see?  It’s just the property market and his lazy ex-wife which is screwing him!

Maybe they can make this situation work for them?  He wants to be cut in, and he wants a sub.

Weirdly, Nidge agrees to this.  Something tells me this is not going to last.

Sidebar: Furth evidence of Nidge’s penchant for bottles here.


15.   Aido takes the piss

Aido needs clean urine to get his methadone, but the young wan who usually sells him clean piss isn’t answering her phone.

Don’t you hate it when that happens?

Nadine sorts him out, but alas, she’s pregnant which kind of gives the game away.


He’s screwed now!

16. First Holy Communion

Warren’s big day is here, and Trish is wearing a Christmas ornament on her head.  The kind of thing you might see stuck onto a present your rich uncle bought you and had someone else wrap.


Nidge makes a classic dad joke here when Warren comes back to the pew, ‘I thought you already had your breakfast?’.  Stellar work.

17.  Fran with the plan

Nidge’s warning’s aside, Fran is going to take care of Tommy.  He seduces him into his van with the promise of a puppy and poor auld Tommy falls for it.

Siobhan sees from the window, and rightly panics.


She frantically rings everyone she can, including the friendly detective but has no luck.

18.  The dead pony

Fran has taken Tommy up the mountains, where they pass a dead pony.  Why?  No one knows.


Is it a nod to the mafia?  An indication that there would be no horseplay?

19.  The Communion

It’s all gone a bit Celtic Tiger at the christening.  Inside, Aido’s enjoying whopper nuggets, ‘I think they’re made with real chicken’, and Nadine is having the same conversation a thousand mothers have had with their children at first communions across the country.

bouncy castle

Outside, the cops are hanging around to see a panicked Siobhan arrive with Leighton in tow.

siobhan arrives

20.  Meanwhile, up the mountain...

Fran is serious about killing Tommy.  He and his pal are downing shots of vodka, and loading guns.


Luckily, Fran decides to answer the phone to Nidge just in the nick of time, and it seems like Nidge is feeling an actual emotion regarding Tommy.

He frantically tries to convince Fran not to follow through on his plan, saying that the fact that Tommy mentioned him to the gardai wouldn't hold up in court due to a mess up on the side of the police.


After a few panicked minutes and an appeal to Fran 'as a buddy', the big man descents and it looks like everything is going to be ok.  For now.

21.  Little Aido

Aido breaks the news to Nadine about the baby, but she's not exactly thrilled at the prospect of a 'little Aido'.


It's a shame really, judging by Aido's helium balloon act he's got some deadly dad skills.

21.  Nidge's ma

Alas, the communion day doesn't end well.  it's bad news about Nidge's ma.  She's died.

Facebook alerts the creepy manchild to this fact, and he delights in the fact that they'll now have the opportunity to get him.


Lizzie's not up for that though.  It wouldn't be right, y'see.

22.  Elmo is a rat... again

Nidge may be back onside, but the local graffiti artists (aka our favourite undercover cops) have still to be convinced.

The message is back.

elmo is a rat

23.  Debbie gets burned

Nidge is back in the brothel (so is Andrew, and he's been given a tab... it'll be interesting to see what happens there), and Debbie pops over to say hi.


He completely burns her, says he doesn't know who she is and then tells the Madame to...

Tell that junkie crackwhore not to be talkin' to me.  I don't know her I don't wanna know her. Thinks she's special or something.

OUCH!  What's that about?

24.  Nidge's tears

It's time for Nidge to say goodbye to his ma, and the episode closes with a shot of tears streaming down his face.


There's no doubt that he's in a bad place.  The cops are after him, the IRA are after him, and he's obviously got some guilt over destroying Tommy.  Is there a human in there after all?

Who knows what next week will hold?

All images via RTÉ Player

Last night’s Love/Hate: Fran’s tooth, the Oh Jaysus Handle, and rats>

Love/Hate’s real-life garda is also in a rock band>

Fran from Love/Hate explains how they created the toothless effect>

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