Dublin: 12 °C Thursday 28 October, 2021

13 things that Irish mammies know are complete notions

YOU THERE! Do you have notions above your station?

THE TYPICAL IRISH mother is a no-nonsense figure, when you get right down to it.

Okay, so she’s deeply loveable and would do anything for you – but you better not be developing notions, or she’ll be onto you like a shot. Like a shot, do you hear?

(Some of you might be asking what exactly “notions” means. Well, if you have to ask, then you’ll never know. And you’re probably riddled with Jaypers notions yourself.)

1. Fancy gates with intercoms

“Sure, who do they think is trying to ring their doorbell?”

Sure tis only their own horn they're blowing Source: Daquella manera

2. Bagels

“And what’s wrong with a bit of sliced pan, I’d like to know.”

Source: cogdogblog

3. Gourmet crisps

“Far from kettle chips you were reared, now.”

Source: harry harris

4. Vegetarianism

“What is it? You’re going vay-gun? Vegan? But you can still have the bit of scrambled eggs. Ah, you can.”

Source: taestell

5. Drinking any tea that isn’t Barry’s or Lyon’s

“Chamomile tea? And do you take milk in it… Oh. Oh, I see.”

Source: clifico

6. Actually using the kitchen roll


The Holy Grail. Can't even imagine what catastrophic spill might warrant its use Source: Tom Raftery

7. Using more than one tea towel

“STOP! Use the hand towel, for the love of God.”

Source: nevolution

8. Getting a taxi

“And now how much will that be costing you? I see.”

Source: infomatique

9. Willy-nilly use of the tumble dryer

“Easy know you’re not paying the ESB bill in this house.”

Tumble Dryer Insides

10. Rare meat (or basically anything that isn’t incinerated)

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph, that thing needs another 15 minutes on the grill.”

Source: Gudlyf

11. Sushi “and the likes”

“RAW? Do you want me to give it a few minutes under the grill?”

Source: Jennol

12. Takeaway pizzas

“Sinful waste of money, that delivery pizza Dolmios stuff. Oh, it’s DOMINOS? Well, excuse me.”

Source: ms.akr

13. Calling buns “cupcakes”

“Cup…cakes? What?”

Source: Meri Tosh

What things do you reckon your old dear considers inescapable #notions? Let us know in the comments and bring us all right back down to earth. 

Read: 7 foods that simply did not exist in Ireland before the Celtic Tiger>

Read: 9 worrying signs that Ireland has developed “notions”>

About the author:

Fiona Hyde

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