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Dublin: 8 °C Sunday 24 March, 2019
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PLAY: The Unofficial Love/Hate Drinking* Game

*For use with minerals or tea. We’ve all got work in the morning.

SO, IT’S SUNDAY evening. Is The Fear setting in yet?

Well, don’t worry. There’s still Love/Hate on the telly. And tea to be drunk. Settle in, rack up the mugs, and play the DailyEdge.ie Unofficial Love/Hate Drinking Game.

Note that it should definitely be played with tea or minerals – it is Sunday night, after all. Spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen it yet…

You will need:

1. Glasses, cups or mugs. Whatever best holds the beverage with which you’ll be playing.

Jellaluna/Flickr

2. Something to drink. Tea, Cidona, Horlicks, or whatever you’re having yourself.

You can do it with booze if you really want, but we won’t be responsible for the head on you after Nidge and the boys get going.

3. A telly

imrambi/Flickr

Or laptop. Whatever.

How to play:

Simply take the required number of sips/shots/scalding gulps of tae every time one of the following things happens. Ready…? Go!

1. When the episode opens (or closes) with a moody landscape shot

Take a gulp. If it involves crows, rats or any other obvious visual metaphor, take a second gulp.

2. When Nidge appears doing NidgeFace (TM)

Just a small sip for this one, because otherwise we’ll all be Cidona’d out of our skulls by 10.30.

3. When there is an extravagant threat involving testicles

Also acceptable: any combination of the words “slice”, “batter”, “geebag”, “broken bottle” and “Elmo”. Take a generous drink to calm your nerves.

4. When someone is shown in an apartment complex that is OBVIOUSLY in Nama

Two gulps. Don’t tell us Darren isn’t in negative equity.

5. When a scene takes place in an underground car park

Drink for the duration of the scene. There may be several, so pace yourself.

6. When any gang member’s passenger footwell is shown littered with tickets from all the time they spend in underground car parks

Just joking. This will never happen.

Bonus drink: Gang-mam Style! A baby appears in a completely inappropriate situation

What qualifies: Brothel, actual sex, preparation of drugs, any kind of battering to death.

Two drinks if the baby looks like it knows EXACTLY what’s going on, and is keeping a careful record for possible use against its parents at a later date. (See above)

COMMERCIAL BREAK! How to get through the next three minutes without Love/Hate?

First, put the kettle on, obviously. And then play…

The Gangland Party Mini-Game!

In your living room, nominate one person to take control of the lights, and one person to be ‘Fran’. Everyone else, regardless of their sex, is a female partygoer.

While Lighting Controller flicks the lights on and off as rapidly as they can, ‘Fran’ must try and seduce one or all of the other revellers.

For every time he succeeds in (a) coming up with an unmentionably dirty pick-up line, (b) taking his shirt off and whirling it around his head, or (c) grinding against somebody else’s body part, everyone else has to take a drink.

For every time someone gives Fran this look…

… he has to take a drink.

Note: If he actually succeeds in seducing anyone, that person is probably missing their vocation as a hanger-on in a Dublin criminal gang and should be informed immediately.

OK, back to the real game for Part Two:

7. When animal print underwear appears on screen

Take a second gulp if someone is deciding WHICH kind of animal print underwear to tog out in.

8. ‘Me da!’

Drink.

9. When anything gets wrapped in cling film

Q. Why do gangsters never get surprises at Christmas?

A. Because they wrap bloody EVERYTHING in cling film. Drink.

10. When Darren looks stressed, but dreamy

You’ll probably want to just keep your cup in hand for this. Or, you know, set yourself up with an IV line. We call it ‘Default Darren’.

11. When something happens that you know full well is going to end really, really badly

“OH NO. NO NO NO NO… too late.”

Did you just have this feeling? Then drink.

12. If, when the episode ends, you are now sitting on your sofa making the same face as Elmo

Drink.

We’ll be recapping tonight’s episode of Love/Hate tomorrow on DailyEdge.ie. See you then!

Fat rabbits and a baby in a brothel - Love/Hate episode 3 recap>

Fish tanks and Bambi eyes - Love/Hate episode 2 recap>

Diggers and kegs - Love/Hate episode 1 recap>

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About the author:

Michael Freeman

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