1. You’ve taken to ominously saying ‘please God’ when talking about the future. You’ll be off to Santa Ponsa now in May, please God
2. You also say ‘thank God’ a lot and shorten it to ‘TG’ in texts. For expediency
3. Foods you once enjoyed you now find ‘very rich’. You couldn’t be eating that chocolate cake. It’d be repeating on you all night
4. You’ve started pushing vitamins on everyone you love. But the tonic is mighty, so it is
5. You have a stash of nice sturdy shopping bags you can use to transport lunches to work, store sandwiches in for train journeys and so forth. You will use these bags until they’re so bashed you can no longer discern where they originally came from
6. You make sandwiches to take with you on train journeys
7. You’ve found yourself saying stuff like “Who’s she? The cat’s mother?” without even thinking about it
8. Those towels were purchased to be used as good hand towels only and you will absolutely lose the rag if you see anyone drying their hair with them
9. You have found yourself thinking that people look better with their hair pushed back off their faces
10. You suddenly feel every draught, everywhere, and can pinpoint the exact location of said draught
11. You’ve purchased a draught excluder and you’re very pleased with it
12. Same goes wedding outfit you bought in – wait for it – Dunnes! Would you believe it!
13. You worry a lot about people who don’t wear a ‘right’ coat in the winter
14. And of course, you’re in agonies over the girls in their platform heels. Their poor ankles!
15. You take great pleasure in producing your club card at the till
16. You carefully tear out the clubcard coupons AND remember to bring them when you do the Big Shop
17. You have developed a way of saying “No, it’s fine” that chills people to the bone
18. You honestly appreciate a good sit down
19. And you’re quietly disappointed every time you arrive at the pub and there isn’t a seat for you. Quietly but definitely, unmistakably disappointed
