1. “Where are all our bowls and plates? Come to think of it, there aren’t many spoons left there either. Who is eating our crockery?”
2. ”Ah. They’re all just sitting there in the dishwasher. Which hasn’t been turned on. For a very good reason I assume.”
3. “…I guess the reason was they figured someone else would do it. Nice. Nice.”
4. “Oh god oh god a dirty knife slipped out of the basket and into the machine how do I get it out without touching any food help help”
5. “Which imbecile just put their plate beside the empty dishwasher instead of putting it in? My RAGE.”
6. “Which imbecile just threw the fork in on top of the cutlery holder? I will MURDER.”
7. “Which imbecile didn’t rinse their porridge bowl before they put it in? Why am I now picking off dried bits of porridge? ANSWER ME.”
8. “Which imbecile stacked two bowls on top of each other and expected them to get clean? …I’m actually losing my mind.”
9. “The dishwasher is not your own personal game of Tetris. The RULES must be OBEYED.”
10. “If I didn’t restack this right now, if I just walked away, what would happen? …Good lord, that’s too horrific to even think about.”
11. “No one can do it right except me! THIS IS NOT A DIFFICULT CONCEPT.”
12. “Oh my god I just touched some manky leftover food. Just let me die.”
13. “If I put it on now, will it wake me up in the middle of the night with its incessant beeping?”
14. “I am now awake due to the dishwasher’s incessant beeping.”
15. “I KNOW YOU’RE FINISHED. I’LL GET YOU IN THE MORNING. GO THE F**K TO SLEEP.”
16. “Someone put a dirty bowl and spoon in with the clean dishes. That’s it. I’m done.”
17. “I really don’t want to unload this dishwasher. I’ll do anything. I’ll sacrifice my first born. I’ll go on a date with George Hook. Anything.”
18. “Oh FINE.” *unloads dishwasher with extreme frustration, chipping a mug in the process*
19. “WHERE IS MY KUDOS FOR UNLOADING THIS THING. TREAT ME LIKE THE IRISH HERO I AM.”
