ON TUESDAY, AMERICA will go to the polls to choose between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney in the 2012 presidential election.
But the votes of 300million-ish people will not answer one crucial* question: What if LOLz decided the election?
So in a highly scientific and peer-reviewed process, we’ve organised the candidates’ online interventions (voluntary or otherwise) into several key categories, and rated them by LOL points. The REAL election starts here.
*Not really at all.
Craziest YouTube Endorsement Song
Romney: ‘Mitt Romney, A Hero In My Mind’
YouTube/thirdeaglebooks
A white-haired dude stands in front of a river playing a twangy keyboard. “I’m vooooting for Mitt Rooommmney,” he intones. “He’s a heeeero in my mind.” There also seems to be some mention of the End of Days. All in all, it’s an excellent effort. LOL points: 8/10
Obama: ‘Uncle Obama’
YouTube/Debrootz
Ghanaian dancehall artiste Sister Deborah weighs in for the Democrats in a unique way: by referring to the contents of Obama’s trousers. “Uncle Obama, I like the size of your banana!” she exclaims. “Can I give it to my monkey?” No words. LOL points: 10/10
Best Social Media Fail
Obama: “Vote Like Your Lady Parts Depend On It”
The official Obama Tumblr reblogged this ecard last month. They had to take it down, pretty quickly. LOL points: 5/10
Romney: "A Better Amercia"
Screen grab/YouTube
The official Mitt Romney app urged users to share images with the slogan "A Better America - I'm With Mitt." There was just one problem. With the word 'America'.
A campaign spokeswoman said: "Mistakes happen." LOL points: 7/10
Best Meme
Obama: Laughing Joe Biden
Vice President Joe Biden chuckled his way through his debate with opposite number Paul Ryan. Not everyone thought it was so funny. But the pictures of his face were great. 6/10
Romney: Fired Big Bird
Fired Big Bird emerged after Mitt Romney declared that he loved Big Bird, but wanted to cut funding to Sesame Street broadcaster PBS. Big Bird fans weren't happy. A meme was born. 7/10
Best Totally Misleading Photo That Went Viral
Romney: The 'shoe shine' photo
He looks smug! He's got a jet! He's getting his shoes shined while he has a nice sit down!
This photo went viral in January. Haters got their hate on. But here's the thing: he's not actually getting his shoes shined. It's a security check with a scanner wand. Sorry, everybody. 7/10
Obama: The Pirate Meeting photo
The Drudge Report ran this photo of Obama engaged in bilateral talks with, er, a pirate, while apparently declining to meet Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu (who was in town at the time).
Sorry, everybody. He DID meet the pirate. But it was for International Talk Like A Pirate Day three years previously in 2009, as MediaMatters reports. 4/10
Best Celebrity Supporter Wearing A Costume
Obama: Katy Perry dressed as a voting slip 8/10
(Julie Jacobson/AP)
Romney: Clint Eastwood dressed as a Republican 2/10
(Lynne Sladky/AP)
Best Satirical Tumblr
Romney: Binders Full Of Women
The Tumblr that launched a thousand Halloween costumes. 10/10
Obama: Obama In History
Pictures of Obama Photoshopped into historic events, as part of a dig at his alleged tendency to take credit for everything. Not very funny, though. 1/10
Most viral body part
Obama: Joe Biden's teeth
So shiny they have their own website. 5/10
Romney: Paul Ryan's bicep
So strong it has its own Twitter account, meme, and Fresh Prince cameo. 9/10
THE RESULTS
We've rounded up all the points awarded through our highly scientific methods above. Here are the totals:
Obama: 43 points
Romney: 46 points
By a narrow margin, Romney has the lead. But wait!
Due to the complexities of the electoral college system, this four-year-old girl - a last-minute entrant to the contest - has Won The Internet:
YouTube/NewsLIVE
The election makes us all cry, little girl. But it'll be over soon.
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