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Dublin: 8 °C Friday 10 July, 2020

11 weird apps we could probably do without

There’s an app for that, you know.

THE ADVENT OF smartphones has changed the way we live in many ways.  We can access information more easily, communicate in a multitude of ways and struggle with battery life more than we ever have before.

It has also opened up an entire world of choice when it comes to apps.  It would appear that there truly is an app for almost everything.  Even things you really didn’t need an app for.

Here are eleven unexpected apps we could probably do without.


Mobile Nation

Only available in the UK, this app shows ‘murders and road fatalities in your area’ on a Google powered map.

Because that’s the kind of information that will help you sleep at night.

Watching Cute Girl


This app does exactly what it says on the tin.  For just €3.59, you can have a ‘cute’ Japanese girl watch you all day.

According to the app’s iTunes page, she even talks!

She may occasionally attempt to hug your through the phone, however, a ‘no touching’ rule applies.

I Just Made Love


For those times when you just want to tell the world that you’ve managed to do the deed, and to share the location and position as well.

The Butt Analyzer

Google Play

Ever wondered if you have a hot ass?  Well wonder no more!

This Google Play app will give any ass you take a picture of a score out of ten.

No more will you have to actually look at a bottom and assess it based on personal taste, oh no, now  you’ll have a definitive answer.

Love Poep

This app from the Netherlands will guide you through a long hard look at your toilet deposits.

With six types of ‘poep’ described, from ‘brown and soft’ to ‘dry hard pellets’, the app was developed by the Digestive Diseases Foundation to help people spot early signs of colon cancer.



With a ‘variety of hi-red skins and infectious giggles’, this app allows you to tickle a belly button.

Seriously.  That’s it.

Apparently it’s ‘fun at parties’, but we can’t help but think the target market may be the kind of people who enjoy some of these videos.

Breathing Objects

This app provides you with images which, if you stare at them long enough, will make the objects around look like they breathing.

Just what we’ve always wanted.



Kissing is important.  We all know that.  What we don’t always know is if we’re any good at it.

iFrenchKiss aims to solve that dilemma for anyone who is wondering, by getting them to kiss their phone and then giving  an analysis of how good they are.

Reassuringly, the app’s page on iTunes says, ‘This is NOT a random “mood sense” app that gives you random results. iFrenchKiss reads your kisses and scores your kissing technique’.

No one wants random results when it comes to kissing.

The page also encourages you to ‘show off your score’ as then people may want to kiss you!

Our hearts bleed for the youth of today.



Yes, it is what you think it is.

Yes, the reviews are reasonably good.



To quote this app’s iTunes page:  ’The first true office equipment simulator, SimStapler© brings all of the thrill and excitement of a “real” stapler right to the palm of your hand.’

The reviews are glowing:




‘In today’s society it can be difficult to whip up a voodoo doll and stick it full of pins. Which is a pity because in our modern lives there are a lot of reasons to do just that.’

It’s hard to argue with that first line from iVoodoo’s iTunes page.  It can be difficult to whip up a voodoo doll in today’s society.

Fortunately, iVoodoo allows you to pin away no matter where you are.  Need to extract some revenge while on the loo?  No problem!  It’s truly a portable solution for all your Voodoo needs.

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