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Dublin: 3 °C Thursday 27 February, 2020
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11 moments where you are convinced time has actually stood still

Stop the clocks. Oh wait they’ve stopped themselves.

TODAY IS THE Summer Solstice which makes it the longest day of the year.

At first you might think this is a nice piece of news but for us it just brings bad memories.

Long days just remind us of times when something horrible would happen and time itself would seem to stand still.

1. Waiting for food to cook

via Shutterstock

You’ve just got in, you’re starving and you try to find the fastest to cook thing in the house.

And yet you seem to be staring at the oven for hours while your stomach starts to rumble so much they can hear it from miles away.

We just want our food now.

Is that so much to ask?

2. Being stuck in traffic

Tatan Syuflana/AP/Press Association Images

It could be ten minutes, it could be three hours, it could be six weeks.

But sitting in traffic will make time stop so much that you’ll be convinced the car is slowly closing in around you and you’ll only be able to listen to Liveline for the rest of your life.

Horrible.

3. The day before pay day

Also known as the day when you must pay approximately sixty different bills, lend your best mate a tenner, find enough money to buy something other than stale loaf of bread you’d planned to eat for dinner all before your money comes in.

Basically we’re sitting at home with no cash screaming this to ourselves:

4. Waiting Rooms

We should just rename them to You’ll Be Here For What Feels Like Years So Just Accept That A 90s Copy Of Take A Break Is All There Is To Read Rooms.

It’s not as catchy but it feels a bit more honest.

5.  The day before a holiday

Either when you were in school and waiting for that last day to end so you could enjoy the summer or you were finally off on your holidays from work those were the days where you were convinced the clock had been slowed down and you were in alternative dimension where seconds took hours.

You’re just sitting there like this:

6. The queues into gigs and music festivals

Anthony Devlin/PA Archive/Press Association Images

We’re not sure why it seems to take 18 years to be let into a music venue to see your favourite band but it’s always very tedious especially the people trying to jump the line to “find their friend” or the security guard screaming at you to stay behind the right barriers.

This is ten times worse at a music festival as you’ve dragged your bags on to a bus, travelled across the country, dragged yourself to site entrance and then have to wait some more.

We just want to go in and jump around a field what is the hold up?

7.  Needing to go the bathroom on public transport

You have a destination to reach via a bus (or other form of public transport) but you also have a really, really strong need to go to the toilet.

There is no toilet on the bus.

What do you do?

You wait as time grinds to a halt and you pray that if you do end up relieving yourself in public that people will just think it’s from the rain or similar.

Or you get off the bus early and find a toliet nearby and accept that being late but having dry clothes is better than being on time and … not having dry clothes.

8. Enduring awkward silences in a lift

via Shutterstock

We are convinced that in lifts you enter into a weird space time continuum where whole hours are passing while you look at the floor / your phone / anything but the other people around you because lifts are trying to remind how of you life is just one giant bag of awkward.

9. Waiting for an important call or text

It could be the “We’d like to offer you the job” phonecall or the “I really fancy you also would you perhaps enjoy a beverage with me this weekend and possible a light spot of marriage later this week” text.

Either way anything involving waiting for something to do with your phone will turn you into a blubbering wreck stuck in a cocoon of paralysed time.

Or something.

10. The post office

LEON FARRELL/PHOTOCALL IRELAND

What is it about post offices that make you think they see clocks as foreign objects and things like “time” and “other things to do in your day” are concepts that have no meaning?

Whether it’s watching 8 different people count the change needed to pay for one stamp to the person insisting on trying to haggle on the cost of the package they’re posting it really does feel like your life could become one giant post office misadventure.

11.  Forgetting what you were about to tell someone

You’re on fire, you’re in the middle of a terrific anecdote and getting to the good bit and then something happens.

You forget what you were about to say next and you are sitting there for what seems like 25 minute trying to keep things going while scrambling within the recesses of your brain for that one thing you wanted to say.

Basically you’re like this:

Very stressful.

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