Dublin: 15 °C Wednesday 27 September, 2023
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# nose torture
11 smells that will make you want to block your nose forever
Our poor, poor noses.

THIS WEEK WE saw the story of how Cork Airport had to be evacuated because a toaster had set off smoke alarms.

Thankfully the airport was evacuated and then reopened in no time at all but it did leave us concerned about the burnt toast smells.

The smell of burnt toast is undeniably awful and we hope that nobody in Cork Airport had to get too much of a whiff of it.

The very thoughts of all those burnt toast whiffs has made us think of some of the smells that make us want to block our noses up forever.

1. Bin juice

Anthony Devlin/PA Archive/Press Association Images

Whoever ends up taking out the bins in your house is not just doing a useful chore they are a modern day hero.


Because the whiff of even the most ordinary household bin is foul.

And we reckon it’s that weird juice that always seems to collect around bins that causes it.


2.  Fake tan

Jean/Jean/EMPICS Entertainment

We are just going to say it, the wrong fake tan will leaving you smelling like biscuits.

It won’t leave you smelling sunkissed and beach ready etc etc

It will leave you smelling like weird, mouldy biscuits that nobody would ever go near.

We’re sorry.

Please check which fake tan you are using and adjust accordingly.

3. Eggs

Look, they’ve got protein in them and they look cute in their little cups but they also can cause a right whiff.

And as anyone who has sniffed rotten eggs will tell you that kind of pong is not eggs-actly what you want in the house.

You know, eggs-actly as in ex-We’ll see ourselves out.

4. Pub and club toilets

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Why exactly do pubs and nightclub toilets seem to always smell like lost dignity, cheap deodorant and probably someone recently getting sick?

You just can’t Febreze out those kind of odours.


5. Fish

Matt Crossick/Matt Crossick/Empics Entertainment

We love fish loads.

There is the joy of fish and chips, fish cakes are great and who doesn’t enjoy a bit salmon every now and then.

But sometimes fish can smell rank, like when you approach the fish section of your supermarket while a bit hungover or when someone you know decides to eat sardines in front of you.


6.  Wet dog

Barry Batchelor/PA Archive/Press Association Images

Do you love dogs?

Of course you do they are wonderful.

But have your ever got a load of how bad a dog smells when it gets wet?

It smells like a giant sweaty carpet that you’ll never want to be near again.

The only solution is make your wear dog a raincoat at all times just be to be safe.

7. Ashtrays

We know that some people who smoke are convinced it doesn’t smell that bad and that some people even kind of like a faint smoky whiff on a prospective partner.

Either way we can all unite in our understanding that ashtrays are just vile.

Maybe it’s the strange mix of how there’s a whiff of smoke from them and slightly singed cigarette papers but foul doesn’t even begin to cover it.

8.  Body odour

It could be a mild pong from the pits of someone who forgot to put on deodorant or it could be the lingering scent of a person who doesn’t realise that having a shower is both important and oddly enjoyable.

If you are that person then now is your time to enjoy some quality self cleaning time.

You can thank us later.

9.  Farts

John Garghan / Flickr

We wanted to ignore them but from the horror of the silent but deadly ones to the audible and whiff-tastic variety there’s little that smells worse.

The peak of this is probably when you walk into a crowded pub with people who’ve been enjoying stout all night and you are worried you may be knocked the combined odours of all the gas.

10. New car smell

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We don’t understand why brand new cars have a smell that is so artificial and cloying that it will just want to make you get sick all over the interior of  said new car.

Surely owning a new vehicle is meant to be a bit more enjoyable than that?

11. Chicken

Jayme Frye / Flickr

We could eat chicken all the time whether fried or grilled or served up in a sandwich.

But the worst is when you buy some chicken and days before it is supposed to go off it develops that weird smell that you know means you can’t eat it.

What makes it worse is you were convinced you could have it for dinner, the betrayal makes the smell so much harder to take.

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