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Dublin: 16 °C Friday 24 May, 2019
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13 noises that never fail to wreck your head

Your skin will crawl off and leave your body by the end of this. Honestly.

WE LIKE TO think that we’re reasonable types.

But there are certain noises that turn us into easily irritated teeth gnashing monsters and we can’t hide it anymore.

1. Hammers and general power-tool noises

Eye Ubiquitous/Press Association Images

If you’ve ever worked in an office next to some kind of construction site or tried to sunbathe in the back garden while your neighbour does DIY you’ll know what we mean.

Stop all that thudding and knocking around we’ve got work to do!

2. Chalk on the blackboard

Julien Behal/PA Archive/Press Association Images

The line we all know is “nails on chalkboard” but when you were younger, the sound of chalk making that weird squeaky noise off the school blackboard was enough to make your toes curl for days.

In fact just thinking about it has made our skin crawl.

3. People singing constantly

Even if you have the range of a young Mariah Carey we don’t want to hear you sing along to every song on the radio or at random intervals throughout the day.

And if you’re a bad singer please stop before we record your awful singing and play it back to you.

We’re like this hearing you sing:

4. Dogs barking

bryd33 / YouTube

We love dogs, we really do but once they get into a barking frenzy we’re too busy wanting to wedge our fingers into our ears forever to like them anymore.

Why do you have to ruin your own good work dogs? Why?

5. Loud music

If you’ve ever had to try and sleep near a busy pub or nightclub then the weird way music sounds when thumping away nearby will drive you to distraction.

The worst thing is you can kind of hear the song but all you’ll really get is a thud, thud noise as the bass threatens to invade your skull.

FOREVER.

6. Alarms

via The Tender

The wail of a car alarm that some fool has yet to come out and turn off is the distant cousin to the blaring music problem.

All you hear is a drone so persistent that you become slightly crazed and struggle to think of a time when you didn’t hear a car alarm non-stop.

Then the alarm (finally) stops and you can go back to normal.

7. Cutlery

arti person / YouTube

The sound of a knife scraping off a plate is enough to drive even the quietest individual into an intense rage.

It’s like that dreaded school days noise of the chalk on the blackboard but when you least expect it, at meal time when you should be having a ball.

Terrible.

8. Chewing

Disney for Life / Tumblr

Another moment that interrupt the bliss of a good feed is hearing the sound of other people chewing.

The weird half-wheeze, half-chomping noise that people make while chewing sounds like some kind of monster has taken over the person in question.

Loud chewing ruins lives. Honestly.

9.  Headphones noise

Dakotiaskye / YouTube

If you’re on public transport regularly you’ll be sick and tired of the noise of people’s music blaring from their headphones.

It’s like there’s a voice in your head playing weirdly compressed Euro-dance or endless wailing guitar.

Turn down your headphones and let us try and make it through our morning commute in peace, please.

10.  Dentist related noises

Andrew Milligan/PA Archive/Press Association Images

Whether it’s the sound of the thing they use to clean their teeth with or some kind of drill they are going to place INSIDE YOUR MOUTH there are just so many horrific noises when you go to visit the dentist.

11. Slurping

We’re just going to put this out there but people who slurp excessively while drinking a cup of tea or similar are really, really, really, really, really horrible.

It’s such an unsettling, icky noise.

Scarlet for all involved.

12.  Babies crying

via GifSoup

We understand that babies cry for a good reason 99% of the time but that doesn’t mean that the sounding of wailing child doesn’t make us want to roar “STOP CRYING IT’S GIVING ME AN UNSETTLING FEELING IN MY HEAD” when they carry on too long.

Sorry.

13. Whining

The actual whining noise is horrific whether it’s a human being using it to be funny (you’re not funny) or a dog or cat doing the same.

We can actually feel our ears begin to bleed just writing about it.

Try getting through this video of a dog whining and see how long it takes before you want to break everything.

jrsodajerk / YouTube

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