WE THOUGHT OUR mobiles were the business back in they days before smartphones.
And we were right.
1. How to compose your own ringtones
If you wanted that Bomfunk MC’s Freestyler song as your ringtone, then you had to type it in yourself, note by note.
And it sure as hell beat this old gem.
2. How annoying TV ads for ringtones were
Hands up if you still occasionally get “GUUUURL, YOU BETTA CHECK YO’ TEXTS” stuck in your head when someone near you gets a text.
3. How novel polyphonic ringtones were
Look at us now, with our touch screens and our incredibly fast internet at any time we want it. Once we were happy with polyphonic ringtones.
4. The importance of the right phone cover
And the satisfaction of clicking it into place.
5. The beauty of picture messages
A beautiful vision in black and white.
6. Which friend sent the chain smutty jokes
They really finished up around the time of smartphones, right? No more smutty jokes. (PS – don’t revive them, we’re not saying it’s a bad thing they died out.)
7. How bad-ass flip opening made you feel
EXCUSE ME WHILE I JUST… FLIP OPEN MY BLOODY COOL PHONE!
8. Ditto aerials
Sure, phones with aerials were like America at home.
9. There was one Nokia that was rumoured to bounce
The Nokia 3220, to be precise. Rumours abounded that the “builders’ phone” (as it was dubbed) was nigh-on indestructible and even bounced if you dropped it due to its rubbery, light-up sides.
10. The joy of phone charms
So jazzy, so festive. The precursor to the ubiquitous sparkly iPhone case.
Or perhaps you had a nice leathery black case? On a belt holster?
11. How good the games were
Angry Birds? Pffft. Give me Snake or give me nothing.
12. How to type out complex emoticons
Ah, the joys of non-predictive text. Now eclipsed by the emoji, but forever in our hearts.
13. The cachet of “fancy” models
The ultra-thin Razr from Motorola, or the first of the gang to get a chunky but useful Blackberry. Remember what we used to think was so high tech?
14. How to change your welcome message
After the hands came together across the globe, a little message would flash up. The ideal opportunity for smutty phrases (as above), your own name, or perhaps an inspirational quote.
15. That WAP never, ever worked
Trying to boot up anything on a WAP connection was a waste of time, but we persevered anyway. Even if you were fruitful in your endeavour, websites were laid out like shopping lists and everything felt banjaxed. Still, though. INTERNET PHONE!
16. How truly exciting the first camera phones were
Honestly, the thrill of a flip phone could only have been eclipsed by the thrill of a flip phone that also boasted a camera. Pictures taken on them now look so hopelessly low res that they’re almost hard to look at.
17. The knack to slidey bits and pieces
Don’t question why the keyboard had to slide out. It just did and it was BRILLIANT.
Slidey, slidey.
18. That everyone would have a charger handy
“Anyone have the skinny Nokia charger?” was a common question at house parties. And someone always, always did. Luckily, charging wasn’t that much of an issue because, pre-smartphones, you only had the charge the things once in a blue moon.
