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eight legged freaks

14 struggles that are too real if you're f**king TERRIFIED of spiders

There are no pictures of scary spiders in this article, we promise.

IT’S SPIDER SEASON. And for everyone who finds this time emotionally taxing, we’re here for you.

1. Firstly, let us get this straight: #YesAllSpiders

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They are all bad. There is no such thing as a good spider. We don’t care what they do for the environment. They can do that away from us.

2. Even “the little ones”

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Does it have eight legs? Then it doesn’t matter what size it is. It’s still terrible.

3. “That’s just a spider web” DON’T CARE

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Webs are evidence that a spider was once present, and they are to be regarded with great suspicion.

4. “They’re just as scared of you as you are of them” DON’T CARE

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How is this comforting?

5. You have many convoluted means of getting rid of them with minimum contact

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The hoover, certain shoes, significant others and flatmates have all been enlisted in the battle against arachnids.

6. And you’re not content until the problem is completely eradicated

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If it’s caught under a cup, it’s to be released as far from the house as possible. If it’s squished in a tissue, it must be flushed down the toilet too.

7. You cannot relax in the knowledge that there is one in the house

You spotted it, it scuttled away, and now you’re on, looking for a new flat.

8. “Is it on me? It feels like it’s on me” feelings are real and not to be scoffed at

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Is there any worse sensation?

9. And pictures are just as bad as the real thing

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10. Never mind movies and their obsession with tarantulas

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We’re looking at you, Home Alone.

11. You can totally understand why this happened


A tarantula on the loose is a perfectly good reason to panic.

12. While everyone else is celebrating the arrival of autumn, you’re in a flap

How can you enjoy your Pumpkin Spice Latte when the spiders are trying to sneak into our houses! *sobs*

13. Because you can’t believe the size of these spiders is ‘normal’

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It is normal, say the experts. But that doesn’t mean it’s RIGHT.

14. And you are mistrustful of Australia as a country for this very reason

How do they deal with it? How are they able? Count us out. Way out.

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