Dublin: 9 °C Wednesday 27 January, 2021

8 messages from women to the penis owners of Ireland

“Wash your d**ks*.


PENISES ARE IN the news, thanks to Lenny Kravitz, who put on quite the show in Stockholm earlier this week.

With Lenny’s Lad on show for everyone to see, we decided to ask a selection of Irish women for their thoughts, messages and questions when they hear the word ‘penis’ (or when they see one for that matter)…

1. Can you scrub it, rather than tug it?

Can we just talk about the fact that men make lots of jokes about the ‘fishy’ smell off our vaginas but their junk doesn’t exactly smell like roses?

Floribunda roses Source: Castilleja19

The cleanliness of man wangs was a popular topic for the ladies.


Why isn’t it a thing about men smelling? As if it’s only women? That’s so weird.


Wash your dicks, would be my advice.

Pressed Lemon Cheese Source: Chiot's Run

2. A solution?

I never even thought about it before now, the smell thing. I think it’s because they have something they can always say about it with the fish comparison. If we can come up a word to describe what theirs smells like we might be onto something.

Any suggestions?

3. Mysterious circum-stances

Now that your baby has been circumcised Source: Willivolt

Described as “exotic” by one women we spoke to, Irish women are curious about circumcision

One said:

I’ve always wondered what a circumcised penis looks like.

Another said:

I have no idea what a circumcised one looks like. Have Googled it in the past.
You see, we hear about it, but don’t see it very often.
Like it’s always the norm in American films and stuff, but it’s totally not the norm here.

at the nob-end of the street Source: mugley

Not everyone is in the dark though:

My ex was circumcised. It’s very neat!
I was with a guy who was circumcised. Nice job!

4. Meanwhile, is this true?

Guys who are circumcised can go longer on the job ..supposedly!!


5. Cut the manspreading

man Source: youtube screengrab

An important message from the women of Ireland:

You do not need to take up that much space on public transport.It definitely isn’t that big so… cross your legs.

6. Is there a male VPL?

Do guys ever wonder about their penises being seen through their trousers? Like a really extreme kind of VPL?

Some women spend a lot of time – and go through some amount of discomfort – to avoid camel toe and to keep any hint of underwear and undercarriages hidden.

Is this an issue for men? Do you care if your lad is on show?

kitchen bending Source: midwestnerd

7. Looky-likies

When asked what they would compare some willies they’ve encountered to, there were some interesting answers…

My ex was a BIG boy, it was like a salmon. No, like SEVEN salmon.
It’s kind of like a wriggly puppy. A long wriggly puppy. One of those funny wrinkly dogs.

Like these?

anti botox brigade Source: emdot

Yeah. One of those.

8. And finally

I think the puppet Alf’s nose looks like one.

About the author:

Emer McLysaght

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